Has It Always Been This Way?

i

Seungkwan was never a gloom person. In fact, he is the self-proclaimed (and also member-approved) mood maker. Though he just can't ignore the odd feeling that lingers. It might be the post-promotion emptiness, but he knows what that's like. The promotions were too short and he didn't like how the pace just dropped. He sighs and proceeds to mindlessly use his phone.

He hears voices from outside. He hears Chan's contagious seagull-like laugh, and alongside it was a fainter distinct raspy voice. It could only belong to one person.

Hansol Vernon Chwe.

They have always been close, that much was obvious. But it hadn't always been that way. It all started from being same-aged trainees. Sure they had their hyungs and dongsaengs but having each other was different. Not only did they feel more comfortable without the need for honorifics, but they also grew up with each other and had similar struggles despite how different they think they are from each other.

A memory suddenly passed by in his train of thought. Surprisingly, they both are ENFPs despite the contrast in their taste, as Hansol phrases it. Looking back at it, things have always been that way, haven't they? Opposites attract, they say. The main vocalist had always thought that aside from their age, their differences brought them closer. However, he never really thought of how their similarities also played a part.

Whatever the factors were, the connection they have is special. Or maybe, had was the right word.

It brings a smile to Seungkwan's face as he reminisces the good old trainee days. At the start of it, there were only 11 of them. Boys living away from their parents under the care of the eldest, Junhui as they try their best to balance training and academics. Admittedly, it was easier said than done, especially for the aspiring vocalist-turned-rapper. He remembers that heart-wrenching night, Hansol deciding that being homeschooled would be best for him to catch up with the hyungs on the Hip Hop Unit. Sure they weren't in the same school but the older of the two knew how much he'd be missing out despite how awful school can get. But then again, growing up half American didn't really give him the pleasure of making a lot of friends so he shrugs it off.

Seungkwan can never understand how chill and unbothered the younger member was. The debut project, for example, he was the only one who received praises from one of their early challenges and what saved him was exactly that. But then again, he knew that said composure could only last so long, even for Hansol. From being robbed of their rings to having a collective mental breakdown, it undoubtedly left a mark on each of them.

But it wasn't always bitter. As shitty as their company can be, he's glad he could meet them all, regardless if they debuted together or not. The two 98 liners used to be inseperable. All the hugs, all the lap-sitting, all the hand-holding, all the times they snuck to each other's rooms and slept together. They see each other everyday and still they chose to spend time with each other's company.

It was surprising how they didn't get bored of each other.

Seungcheol came to check up on him, as he does with the rest of the members. The leader offers his comfort, saying that he's always there for any of them. After seeing a nod followed by a small smile from the younger, he takes his leave.

Seungkwan decides to keep it to himself.