Cravings

Shots

I'm sorry for bothering you with another attention seeking story of my life, but I needed to get this of my heart. It's exactly a few years ago my mother killed herself because dad abused her, she couldn't take it anymore. I cried, hours. Our neighbours came to pick me up, they've let me tell them the whole story, how I found my mother, lying on the ground, not moving. I didn't  even know what i was looking at, untill i realised she was dead. My dad left home, just before my mother. After a few days I couldn't even tell wich week it was, my head was one big black blur.

But suddenly my neighbours needed to move to another place, without telling me reasons. They were the only one I could talk to. I came to live at a friend's house, but they would never understand me. Images of my mother lying on the ground, with wrists covered in blood, kept reappearing in my head. After a few weeks, I moved again to another home, another family. My friend's parents couldn't help me anymore they said, that I was better of at another family wich knew how to handle me. It was a total disaster. I wasn't allowed to speak a word, and if I did, they would hit me. I needed to go to school, get perfect grades and needed to be a perfect person. I just couldn't. Since then I started to cut myself. It wasn't really a big deal i thought. And if someone asked me, where all these scratches on my arm would come from, I would answer it was my cats' fault. But than I hit puberty and started to feel more and more depressed.

I wasn't cutting myself anymore without blood dripping out of the scars. I was cutting much deeper. But nobody noticed. And if somebody would've asked me why I was always wearing those long sleeves, I would say I didn't like the weather and find it cold. I didn't go to swimming pools or things like that with friend. I wasn't taking any risk of being comfronted what I actually did to myself. They would call me an attention seeking whore or something.