If I Had You

Chapter One

Can we plz talk?

Kassey plz

I miss u

Ignoring his texts was heartbreaking, I wanted to crawl back into his arms, but I know he will hurt me again.

You used me.

That is all I could send. My fingers refused to type more, but at least he stopped texting me. Getting up for school the next day was even worse. I felt as if I broke his heart, like I held it and squeezed; causing it to shatter into millions of pieces. I couldn't help myself. I texted him 5 words that keep playing in my head since his texts.

                                    But I still miss you.

I walked into my first  class, and pulled out my phone. No response. I sigh and turn my phone off. "Tess how's the boyfriend?" I plaster a fake smile and ask in a preppy voice. Tessa turns around and her face lit up with excitement.

"Oh Kassey! We went on a date last night. It was beautiful. You need to meet him again, I'm sure you will love him!" Her voice is filled with happiness and pleading. I sigh and agree to meet him again. She shrills with excitement as the bell rang for class to start. I go all day without a word from him.

                                        Noah?

                                        Are you okay?

Weeks have passed and I still hear nothing from him. I go to and from school, rarely seeing him. I was accepting the fact that what we had was nothing, that I was just a tool for him to use. But today will be different, I will no longer be the sad girl who pines after the boy. I put on clothes that I feel confident in, I slip on a leather jacket over my form fitting red v-neck. I cuff my skinny, black jeans. I slipped on some black high top converse. I try my best to look like I don't miss him, that I don't want him back, that I don't want to go to his house to tell him he can have me. I put in my headphones and force him out of my mind, and begin my slow walk to school in the sweet spring morning air.

As I approach the old school building, the wind picks up. Trees started swaying, it was only a matter of minutes before the rain would start falling. I quickly make my way up the shorts steps to the building, people pushing past trying to make it in before the rain. After sliding through large groups of people, I make it into the building and shuffle my way to my locker.

Approaching my locker, I see Noah of all people standing next to it. "Noah?" I burst out in shock. Noah quickly spins around to face me. He has a look of amazement. He opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off. My body fills with confidence, "What are you doing here? We have no reason for socializing. Why can't you leave me alone?" My voice starts to crack at the end, it took weeks to feel okay. But seeing him has reversed the process completely. I could feel the tears start to pool in my eyes.

He laughs, "Are you about to cry Kassey?" He begins to laugh loudly. "I just came over here to get into your pants for real now. But this is even better." His friends turned the corner, they were chuckling and smiling. They were wanting to see me crawl back. They were hoping for it. My hand flies and smacks Noah's cheek, the sound echoes throughout the hallway. I spin on my heel and start walking away, I get halfway down the hallway before stopping. I could still hear some of his friends laughing. I turn back around and walk back to them with a mission.

I walk straight up to his best friend and wrap my hand around his neck, I bring my lips to his and he kisses me back. We increase the kiss as I lick his lip asking to slip my tongue in, he opens his mouth slightly. Our tongues fight for dominance, feeling and tasting everywhere. I slowly pull away, I grab his hand and write my number on his hand. I spin and walk away again, confused on where the sudden confidence had come from. Before leaving the building, I turn and wink at his friend. Dramatic exit? Check. I sit outside until the bell rings. The walk to class was filled with glances and whispers, with my head held high, I ignored them. As soon as I slide into a desk my phone buzzes.

It's Jason ;) my place after school?

Do I really want to screw around with Jason just to get back at Noah?

How about during lunch? ;)

Apparently I do. But maybe I just need to find myself the confidence to show myself I don't need his sorry ass.

    Lunch finally rolls around and I put on a smile. Not long after I walk out of class I run into Jason. He grabs me by the hips and swings me around so I can face him. He shoots me a half smirk before moving in for a kiss. I quickly arch my back to avoid his lips. His eyebrows shoot up as if he was asking a question. "Jason I'm sorry about this morning. I was just trying to get back a Noah. He's kind of a dick." I quickly say as I squirm out of his grasp.

He laughs, "Oh baby, you never wanted Noah. I knew you just pretended to pin after him just to get to me." He gives me his full smirk before pulling me closer. Tight. His lips smashed into mine, the kiss was full of lust and force. I couldn't get out of his grasp. I lifted up my foot and slammed it down onto his. He pulls away in a grunt. "What the hell Kassey? You wanted me to kiss you!" He shouts between grunts, he lunged for me. I stepped just out of reach.

"Yes Jason I wanted it so bad, that I pretended not to then hurt you cause I wanted you, just so bad." Sarcasm was dripping from the sentence, I could almost see it. He looked shocked before calling me a whore and strutting away. I huffed and walked into the loud cafeteria, I slid into a chair next to Tess. She was talking to her boyfriend, not noticing my presence. I pull a bag of grapes out of my bag, just as my phone buzzes.

    So you'll do Jason but you won't do me?

            Whore.

I laugh at Noah's texts. My laughter caught Tess' attention. I send a short response as the bell rings.

                                I'll do anyone before I do you.

                            But for the record, no I didn't do him.

I walk to my next class when I get a catcall. I ignore it, but then it becomes more than one. I turn around to see a group of Jason's friends staring at me. I roll my eyes and walk up the stairs. Sliding into my seat a few minutes before the bell, gave me time to check my phone. I noticed a text from Tessa along with a screen shot of Jason's latest post.

    You did Jason during school?

What happened to no sex?   

I stare at Jason while he laughs with Noah as they walk through the door. I call Jason over to me. "You need to delete it now. You know nothing happened." He smirks and walks away and slips into his seat. I was so angry that it felt like smoke was coming out of my ears.I went onto the social media where Jason posted, and I reported the post. Petty but at least it will be taken down. The rest of the day was filled with whispers from his friends. The short drive home gave me a bit of time to think. Why did Jason do that? I  guess he IS friends with Noah, makes sense he is a prick too. By the time I pulled into the driveway I had made up my mind about what I was going to do.

    The weekend flew by and Monday came before I knew it. I slip on a simple outfit before making my way out the door. The drive to school was short but slow, the parking lot was even slower. But after parking my car, I quickly make my way to the front of the school. My heeled boots click against the hallway floor as my bag swings from only being on one shoulder. I walk the halls before I spot Jason and Noah. I confidently walk up to Jason and slap him. "You should be ashamed. You told everyone you slept with me! I hurt you after you kissed me! I guess you forgot to leave that out, you prick." I bark while pointing my index digit at him. I spin on my heel and face Noah. "Don't even get me started on you Mister! You spent 4 months with me! Sleeping around and hoping I'd give into your antics! Well guess what I'm tired of the whispers and catcalls. Tell your stupid friends the can screw themselves!" I screech with my hands flying in the air to make my point. "Now both of you can screw off and leave me alone!" I exclaim to both of them and push my way through to walk to my first class. The part of the hallway we were in was silent. I walked away confident I made my point.

That was the only excitement of the day, that was until I got into my car at the end of the day.

Forgot how feisty u were

and how much I enjoyed it

Probably made a mistake letting u go

Could u forgive me?

I think I love u.