Adhering to Plan

Sometimes, running away is the best option. When the heart and the mind strike a conflict, sometimes it's wiser not to choose which one to follow. When confronting the adversity might push you on the verge of making a wrong decision, maybe its better to just turn around and walk away. Maybe it's wiser not to think and braver not to fight! And just let fate take control and execute the plan long written to be done...

Everything was fast and unexpected. But it seems so right. It feels like we were at the right place at the right time. Or should I say we were put in the right place at the right time.

It was just one ordinary summer vacation. It was the summer just before I become a senior. And I should be relishing every minute of this break before I embrace the toxicity of the senior year. It's a break, supposedly, to get away from any school related activity. But here I am, doing another school necessitated duty. Oh well! Just this one, just four days and I can finally take a break. A recollection plus a facilitator-training workshop to wrap the school year is not bad. It might be a blessing actually.

For four days, we have to stay in the retreat house. Days one and two are for the recollection, days three and four are for the training. Recollections are for everyone. Its a time to get to know yourself more, get to know the people you are with more, contemplate on your life, repent, learn and then start anew. I have attended a few and will be attending more in the future. That is fine. But I am quite intrigued by the facilitator training. It is not given to everyone, it is for a chosen few and after this, I am expected to facilitate a recollection myself. So how is that? I thought it is vacation! What am I doing here? Why in the first place did I agree to be here?

People from different parts of the province participated in the retreat/workshop. Some are age mates. Some are slightly older. Some are familiar faces. Most are complete strangers.

You are not one of them. You don't represent a school or a parish. You are here before us. You are fixing things for the retreat. I don't know who you are. It's not clear to me why you are here. Maybe you are one of the facilitators or an assistant maybe!

You are not among us but you are always with us. During breaks, trying to make chitchat and after work time, just chilling out.

For someone like me, who has poor social skills, and who fails at those situations that require having two-way interaction with people such as having a real conversation, I get uneasy with new people. I am not the type to initiate, the more to open up. I don't get too comfortable with people that easily. His and hellos aren't enough to get to me. I don't like to be in a crowd, I'm better in an intimate circle. So after "work" time, my social struggle begins. And I cannot go home and go back the next day. I have to stay like everyone does. So what am I supposed to do? Smile perhaps and answer if someone asks. Darn! I guess I am happy being with myself. Observing. Thinking. Contemplating. And you took notice of that. I don't know how long you have been staring at me and how long you have been reading my actions. And you came and sat beside me. Thanks to you, I have someone to talk to and I don't have to initiate. I guess it's nicer being with someone!

And we talked and talked and talked endlessly. We didn't take notice of time and perhaps the other people around. It was just too refreshing talking to you. I can't believe I will meet one sensible soul here. Every time I am with a new person, I always have that "wall", but strangely now, somehow, I felt home. And we talked about everything under the sun, from the dumbest nonsense to the profound philosophical. It's like were zoned out from the present and transported in a place where everything just flows right naturally. It's so euphoric that it seems surreal. It's like something higher is taking control, that we can't resist, and we won't bother to. And we didn't.