All Right, Evans?

Chapter 26: Coping

Lily

Word had gotten out that Lily had spent New Year's at the Potters' house. Of course Bertha or one of her minions had overheard Charlus at Slughorn's party, and since they'd all been so starved for tales of Lily Evans's debauchery lately, they latched onto this bit of information like the leeches they were. It wouldn't have been so bad, Lily thought – after all, they'd said much worse in the past – but then she had to spend an entire evening with Bertha Jorkins.

After Jenny's death, Dumbledore had mandated that the prefects complete their rounds in pairs, for safety reasons. Usually Lily would have agreed wholeheartedly with such a procedure change, but then the first rotation came around and she was partnered with Bertha, and Lily thought there was really nothing less safe than to leave the two of them alone with their wands for an extended period of time. Not that she would do anything about it, of course, but still Lily thought Dumbledore should have taken her temper and mental stability into consideration.

"What'd Diggory think about you staying over with Potter, hm?" Bertha wanted to know as they walked through the third floor. "He can't have been pleased, can he?"

"I haven't the faintest idea what Diggory thinks about it, nor would I care," Lily said, "seeing as I'm not going out with him."

"Well, yes, but seeing as you're snogging at least two blokes at once –"

"I'm not snogging anyone," Lily lied, and she could taste the faint tang of blood from biting the inside of her cheek so hard.

"Mhmm, I'm sure you're not."

Bertha wasn't the only one Lily had to worry about, either; even her friends had started on her, and that was certainly more than she could take.

"I'm just saying, Lil," Marlene said one night in the common room, "I was a bit preoccupied with Sirius post-New Year's so I didn't really think about what may or may not but probably definitely did happen between you and James after we left that night."

Lily scowled and accidently tore a page of her Charms book. "Why don't you and Jorkins get together, have a nice little chat about what may or may not but probably definitely did happen, then?"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Don't be like that. I'm only asking."

"And I don't know how many times I've got to tell you, but I'm getting rather sick of it."

"All right," Alice said pointedly as Marlene opened her mouth to retort. "Lily, no one's accusing you of anything –" she ignored Lily's derisive snort – "we just want to know what's going on with you, that's all. If you like James, go out with him. And forgive me, love, but it's sort of obvious that that's exactly what you want."

Lily kept her eyes trained on her book, but she could feel the twists and ties in the pit of her stomach. She didn't understand why everyone insisted on telling her what she wanted, and it didn't matter that they were right, because it wasn't their prerogative and she was tired of all of them acting otherwise. She knew perfectly well what she wanted, but that didn't mean she had to tell any of them. It was all moving too fast, from her feelings to all those things she and James had done with a little help from Amortentia.

It wasn't that she hadn't wanted to do those things, Lily thought as she stared blankly at page ninety-seven of her Charms book. All that pent-up hormonal energy that had been festering within her since fifth year had to be dealt with sooner or later, and she was quite glad it had been taken care of so... Well, satisfyingly. Because the fact of the matter was, she did like James and he liked her back so why shouldn't they do all those things they wanted to do?

Maybe because you can't bring yourself to be his girlfriend? suggested a nasty little voice in the back of her mind. Because you can kiss him and touch him and he can put his hands all over you but you won't actually tell anyone about it? Not even your best friends?