All Right, Evans?

Chapter 40: Supposed-To-Be's

Tuesday, 9:15 P.M.

"Sirius?"

Sirius opened his eyes. He was laying upside-down on a chair in the Gryffindor common room, his feet propped up on the cushion and the rest of his body parallel to the floor. He would have seen nothing but ceiling if Lily Evans wasn't hovering directly in his field of vision.

"Yes, darling?" he said. He noticed the troubled look on her face and reached over his head to grasp one of her hands with his own. "You look upset. Tell Padfoot about your feelings."

Lily offered him a small smile, the dark look behind her eyes softening only a little, and that was enough to tell Sirius that she was more than just upset. "You say that to me a lot."

"Well, you have a lot of feelings," he said with a shrug, trying to lighten her mood a bit more before he delved into the reason behind it. "Besides, I could always use a new catchphrase, and I've grown rather attached to that one."

"Happy to be of service," Lily said, softening a bit more, but it was all lost again when she moved on to what had been plaguing her for almost a week. It wasn't such a long time, really, a week, but time has a tendency to drag when bad things are happening. "I need to talk to you, though."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Sirius joked.

Lily almost laughed. "Shut up," she said, using her free hand to mess up his hair as much as those perfectly coiffed locks would allow. "But funny that you should say that, because it's about James."

Sirius's eyes widened, all traces of mockery gone. "Are you breaking up with him?"

"What?" Lily's eyes mirrored his. That thought never crossed her mind, so she certainly hadn't expected it to cross anyone else's. "No, of course not! I just – does he want to break up with me?"

"Evans, what the hell?" Sirius sat up then, still holding onto Lily's hand as they dove into the thick of things.

"I don't know!" Lily said, frustrated now. She chewed on her lip and stared at her and Sirius's joined fingers, mulling everything over for the umpteenth time before she continued trying to explain it.

James had been increasingly moody ever since Wednesday night, and as much as she understood that losing your parents wasn't all fun and games, she couldn't manage to shake the feeling that he was trying to distance himself from her, and didn't that make things worse? But she didn't feel as though she could ask that, either; it would sound like she was accusing him of something, or like she was trying to force him to deal with his grief the way she wanted him to.

That wasn't what she wanted; it would be unfair and ineffectual at best, Lily knew that. James hadn't been able to do anything for her when her father died, and Lily couldn't figure out for the life of her what she could possibly do for James now. In any case, though, it didn't help that he was shutting her out, no matter how necessary or unintentional it might be. She just couldn't figure out a way to say any of this without coming off at least somewhat hostile, so she'd decided to go to Sirius first.

"It's – well, he's been distant," Lily picked up where she'd left off. "I know he's upset about his parents, of course he is, but I thought me and him were all right."

She paused to bite her lip again, thinking about another thing that had been nagging at her. "I mean, Wednesday night, after he found out, we – er – you know."

"Oh, yeah." Sirius couldn't help the wicked grin that flashed across his mouth when he saw how shifty Lily was getting. "I know."

Lily cleared her throat loudly in an attempt to keep her cool, although she knew she was about to lose it, anyway. It was her thing, after all, to keep everything bottled up and then word-vomit it up once she finally uncorked her feelings like she should have done in the first place.