KISS: In The Band

Ch 40: Chaos (Ace)

"Peter's been getting better, Ace. Have you?" Gene asked coldly. I felt my face going red and I stared at the ground, doing everything to avoid looking at him. "W-well I mean...he's still struggling and stuff," I mumbled. "And it's been a few months since we've seen each other and I don't really know if he's actually been doing that well." 

Gene heaved a sigh, setting down his bass. "Ace. Listen. You need just as much help as he does. This isn't good for you, being a part of the band is just making your life worse right now. Just take a break, alright? Get help. You're struggling, you're addicted to alcohol, and that's nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something to get help for," he said gently.

I stared at him in horror, feeling my heart sink. "You're kicking me out too?" I whispered. "We're just letting you go for a bit until you get help. It's the same thing with Peter. We're worried about you, about both of you! And when you've gotten help and you recovered and you're better, you can come back and play lead again."

My face fell and I felt sick before nodding slowly. "Oh. I'm sorry I fucked it up." Gene shook his head, giving me a hug. "It's not that, man! I'm worried about you. You're throwing your life away for alcohol and it's scaring me. Just please, get help." I nodded again, hugging him tightly and burying my face in his shoulder. "I'm sorry." "Ace it's okay. It's okay. Just get help and you're going to be okay."

I nodded yet again, feeling tears trickling down my face. "W-was it all of you guys again? All three of you?" Gene shook his head, keeping a hand on my shoulder. "It was just me and Paul. But all three of us are worried about you. All five of us, really. Me, Paul, Eric, Bruce, Peter...we all just want you to get help."

"I'm really sorry. I know how much the band means to you and I'm sorry I--" "Ace, listen to me. I care more about your health than about the band, alright? Just please, please get help." I nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah. There's...a lot of things I need to clean up in my life," I said quietly. I knew what I needed to do, but I didn't know if I had the guts to do it. 

Heart racing, I stormed up the stairs to Peter's friend's apartment, clutching an envelope in my arms and knocking aggressively. There was a long pause before Peter pushed it open, giving me a surprised look. "Oh! Ace! I-I wasn't expecting to see you, you didn't tell me you were coming over!" he said, giving me a smile. 

Shaking my head, I pushed past him, opening the envelope and pulling out the contents. I walked over to the table, slamming down a huge stack of papers. "Sign them," I snapped. Peter frowned,  looking at the papers in confusion. "What are they?" he asked after a pause. I folded my arms across my chest. "You know what they are. Now sign them." His mouth dropped open and his eyes immediately filled with tears, and I could feel my heart sink.

"No, no Ace no, no no no no no please don't do this. Please don't do this," he whispered. "You haven't changed. You won't change. I'm done. Sign the papers." "No no Ace please, please! Please I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm getting help, I swear! Ace please not this, not this! I'm doing better, I am changing, I am, I swear! Ace please!" he cried, rising to his feet. I felt like crying but just shook my head. "Sign. The. Papers."

"Please! Please Ace please! I love you, please!" "Peter, I told you I'm done! Sign the papers!" "No! No no Ace no, no we can work this out! W-we can just take another break, we can take a break and talk about things and work it out or-or get counseling or something! Don't do this, don't do this please, Ace please, please! Please don't do this, don't make it permanent!"

"Sign the fucking papers!" I shouted. "Ace please!" he wailed, sobbing. "Please don't do this!" "Peter. Sign. The. Papers." He shook his head, grabbing my arm, tears gushing down his face. "Please Ace please I love you, I'm sorry, I'm trying my hardest, I'm changing I swear, I got help, I'm getting help, please! Please give us a chance! Please not this! Just give it a chance, just give us a chance, please Ace I'm begging you, I'm begging you! Ace please!" he screamed, dropping to his knees and clinging to me.

"Peter, I told you I'm done. Sign the papers when you're ready, or prove to me you've fucking changed. I'm going back home. Talk to me when you're a better man," I snapped, pushing him away. Peter jumped to his feet, pointing at me furiously. "No! No, that's fucking bullshit! You're the one who isn't listening! I have been changing, I have been getting help! I've been sober for six months straight! But did you even notice?! Did you even notice I haven't been doing drugs or drinking?! Did you?!" he screamed.

I blinked, taking a step back and staring at him, feeling my heart sinking. "Peter I'm--" "I'm doing everything I fucking can to stay with you, to change for the better, to improve myself like you've asked me to! And you don't even notice! You don't even care! What's the point of asking me to improve myself if you're not going to realize when I do?!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't--" "Tell me right now, do you want to be married?! Do you want to be married to me?! Because you don't seem to care about this relationship the same way I do!" I stared at him, trembling. "You know what, no. I don't want to be married anymore. We're just not compatible anymore, I'm sorry. So just sign the damn papers and we can move on with our lives." 

He took a step back, staring at me in horror before starting to cry quietly. "Ace...please. I'm sorry," he whispered. "Please don't leave. Please, please I love you, I need you, I need you in my life." 

I just ignored him, closing the front door behind me, totally unsure whether or not I actually wanted a divorce.