KISS: In The Band

Ch 8: Toxic? (Ace)

I basically ripped off my costume, not even bothering to wipe off my greasepaint before falling on top of Peter, who was just removing his boots. He smiled, wrapping himself around me before kissing me, smearing red lipstick all over my face. I grinned back, returning the favor in black. "Ohhhh you are so hot," he purred, running a hand through my hair. "Shh, don't you dare even bother with words. I just wanna kiss you," I murmured.

I laid in bed after a while after we had finished and Peter finally got around to washing off his face, thinking back on our earlier conversations before the show tonight. "Hey babe?" I called. "Hold on a second love I'm still in the middle of this!" he called back, before sliding into bed with a freshly cleaned face, giving me a smile. "You called, dearest?"

"Do you ever wonder if our relationship has gotten toxic?" I blurted out. His smile vanished and he sank back against the pillows, joining me in staring at the ceiling. "How so?" "I dunno. We seem to be fighting a lot. More than we used to."

There was a long pause before he answered. "We're both really stressed I think. Being famous and rich and in a band and having to hide our identities is a lot. And we're both falling back into bad habits."

"Yeah," I said quietly, heart sinking. "Do you...think we should do like couples counseling? Because I love you, I really do, with my whole heart, and I don't ever want to hurt you or be apart from you, but it feels like we're falling apart a bit and that scares me. Not even just tonight but like a few nights ago when you were saying you missed how our relationship used to be." "Well...do you think we need to?" he asked. I just shrugged, wishing I had an answer.

Heaving a sigh, he sat upright, tugging on a pair of boxers before pacing around the room. "I think...Ace I think we just need to sit down and talk. Face to face, no getting defensive or upset or angry. We just talk about everything that's going on in our lives right now. There's issues we're both dealing with and I think we're both getting a little too defensive and not really handling it maturely. So I think we should try that first."

I nodded, sitting up and patting the bed next to me. "Alright love, I proposed first so you get to go first. What's on your mind?" I asked. He took a deep breath, squeezing my hand. "I love you and you know that. You're a wonderful man, I love spending time with you. Sometimes you can be a bit airheaded and spaced out but I love it. Except for when you get wasted, because then you just...shit, love, you just do really dumb things and I'm always worried you'll hurt yourself. I mean you said it yourself, you want a kid, but when I come back from a night out and find you've trashed the hotel room we're sharing? That doesn't make me feel like you're responsible enough for a kid. Like, at all. I mean what if I go out and you trash the baby's room or something? When you drive recklessly or drunk or anything like that it just really scares me. I just...maybe you should work on that."

My heart sank and I nodded slowly, running a hand through my hair. "Y-yeah. Let me say my part and then we'll talk about everything, how about that?" Peter nodded, kissing me on the cheek. "Yeah, go ahead."

"Peter I love you. You and all your issues, every part of you, the whole lot of good and the little bit of bad. But...when you get addicted  to cocaine, you're not you. You're not the man I married, and it kills me inside. I want to have a kid with you, to-to start a family with you! But if you keep doing this shit, you keep spending every second and every dollar on coke, we're not going to get that! I love you, I don't want to lose you drugs again! And-and even your drumming is suffering sometimes from it! I don't want you to have to lose the band too. You don't have to quit, just please don't be addicted. Please, Peter, I'll support you through withdrawals or whatever needs to happen, just please don't...please don't do this."

There was silence as we looked at each other before both of us sighed. "Shit, we really are a mess," Peter said quietly. I nodded, slipping an arm around his waist and pulling him against my side. "I love you though. And I'm gonna do my best to help you out of any mess you're in." He nodded, snuggling up against me. "I wanna be happy with you. I wanna live a good life and have a family with you. I just don't know if we can balance that with the lives we're living now."

"I mean...Gene's in the band but he's got a wife and kid too," I countered. Peter shook his head, screwing his eyes shut. "No. Not a good example. Haven't you seen what he does? What's been going on with that?" I frowned, baffled. "No? What's been going on?" "Babe, he's fucking cheating on his wife. On Shannon."

My heart immediately sank. "Oh. Oh no. Oh, not Shannon. That's awful. Dammit Gene, you bitch." Peter nodded, nestling closer against my chest. "So yeah. I just don't know. I really do want to have a family with you, I promise! Things are just...rough."

In spite of myself, I scowled. "You've been saying that for almost four years. There's always something that comes up and prevents us from starting a family." He sat up, scowling right back at me. "Well sorry I don't want to rush into having a baby!"

"It's not rushing! It's been years! Fucking years! I want to have a family! I've dreamed of having a family for years, Peter! Ever since I was a kid, alright?! When JoJo was born I swore that one day I'd have that in my life! And even after I figured out I was gay I swore that wouldn't stop me! We agreed to wait and we have! I'm tired of waiting even more!"

"It's not just about you! We need to be in agreement about this! We need to both decide if we want to have a kid!" he cried.

"Well just tell me if you don't want one! Just fucking give me a straight answer! I'm tired of this back-and-forth noncommittal bull!" I shouted, jumping to my feet. "I don't know! I told you, I don't know! I'm sorry but I need more time!" he screamed. Shaking, I stormed out of our room, slamming the door shut in his face.

Maybe Gene's marriage wasn't the only one falling apart.