Colton
More weeks had passed and still, no Wren. It was like she dissipated into thin air. It wasn't until I went to Lincoln and asked James upfront where she was did I finally get an answer.
"I don't think she wants to be around you," James says.
Little does he know that that sentence penetrated deep into my chest.
Of course she didn't want to be around me. I ruined what was possibly a great friendship by letting my romantic feelings get the best of me. I had ruined just about every relationship that was important to me, now.
What was I doing?
"I know she doesn't but I need to speak to her," I urge but James just shrugs.
"I don't know what she does with her life so if you're asking where you can find her, I can't be of help."
"You life with her, of course you know where she is," I counter.
"I promised her I wouldn't help you," James says as he wipes down the front counter. He attempts to walk away from me but I stop him
"James," I plead. "I need to speak with her. I need her to know how I feel."
God, I sounded like such an idiot. Pining after a girl who could never love me.
James turns to me once more. I can see the pity written across his face but in that moment I didn't care. I just wanted to see Wren.
"Here, tomorrow at noon. She'll be practicing," he finally answers with a slight nod before leaving me alone at the counter.
Tomorrow at noon.
*
Noon couldn't come fast enough. I barely slept a wink last night. I was too busy making up scenarios in my head about how my confrontation with Wren could go. I was planning out what I was going to say so meticulously that I started to drive myself crazy.
I don't remember the last time I was this nervous about something.
I pull up to Lincoln a few minutes early and sit in my car, mentally preparing myself for what's about to happen. After a couple of breathing exercises I build up the courage and hop out of my car and make my way towards the building.
As soon as I enter, I see her.
My heart skips a beat.
She's by herself in a corner, beating up a punching bag like her life depends on it. I stand still for a moment and watch. She seems so full of anger and rage that I almost don't recognize her. Granted Wren let her anger get the best of her frequently but this time it was different. This time, it completely consumed her.
I make careful steps towards her, careful not to distract her from focusing.
I'm only a few feet away from her now and I'm about to speak up when she says:
"What are you doing here, Colton," the absolute venom laced in her words catch me by surprise. I hadn't heard her voice in what felt like forever and it pained me that this tone was the one directed at me.
"I.."
She turns around.
Her olive skin glistens with sweat as she walks closer to me. The look in her eyes tells me that she isn't messing around.
"Why. Are. You. Here?" She questions once again.
I'm at a loss for words.
She scoffs and turns back to the punching bag, "You're a coward."
And then I lose it.
"Oh, I'm a coward?" I advance towards her and she swings back around.
"Yes."
"How am I the coward in this situation, Wren? How does that make any fucking sense to you?"
"Get away from me," she says quickly.
I can feel the heat start to spread throughout my chest.
"You are so full of shit," she looks taken aback by my words but they keep spilling from my lips. "How am I the coward when you've been avoiding me for the past month. You were no where to be found. I fucking kissed you one time, Wren. Get over it."
This is definitely not what I practiced saying.
"Get over it?" She lashes out at me. "See, you still don't get it!"
"What do I not get?!"
"You're not supposed to be with me! You're not! You're supposed to be with someone like Charlotte. You're supposed to be with someone who will fit into your life," she yells. "I don't fit into your life, Colton. No matter how badly you want me to!"
"Yeah, I already got that you never want to be apart of my future," I say and I know that the hurt is evident in my voice but it seems as if she couldn't give a single fuck.
"I don't," she confirms. "I don't want anything to do with you."
"Wren, please," I'm no longer yelling. "I want you. Please, don't push me away."
"This is what I do!" She places her hands against my chest and shoves me as hard as she can. "I don't want you! Get that through your head! Fuck you, fuck that kiss, and fuck you trying to fix me!"
She continues to shove me.
"I don't care! I don't care about your past, Wren. I don't!"
She stops pushing me for a moment.
"Oh, yeah?" She questions, with a look on her face that I can't seem to read. "You don't care about my past?" I nod. "Colton, you don't know a single thing about my past."
She maneuvers her way towards me and places her palms on the side of my face.
"You don't care that I'm a thief? It doesn't bother you that I'm a complete asshole to anyone I come in contact with? Let me ask you something, does it bother you that I abandoned my brother," she nods and moves her lips to my ear. "Mhm, just like your father abandoned you."
I'm stunned by her words and push her off of me in response.
"I thought my past didn't bother you?" She questions knowingly.
"How could you say that to me?" I say in disbelief.
"Because I'm a bad person, Colton. It's about time you understand that."
There's in inner war raging within me. One part of me wants nothing to do with her ever again and yet the other part knows she's only saying these things from a place of hurt. She is doing what Wren does. She is pushing people away.
Silence falls between us as we stare at each other, not knowing what else to say.
"Why do you push away anyone who could possibly care about you?" I finally say but she doesn't respond. "You know, Charlotte said something that's really stuck with me. She said 'It must suck loving someone who will never love you back.' For a little while, I thought she meant herself but she didn't. She meant you."
Wren's eyes widen slightly.
"You're never gonna be able to love me the way that I love you, Wren. I didn't want to accept it but I know that now."
"What?" She saying incredulously.
I exhausted from fighting. I'm exhausted from being angry. I'm exhausted from holding onto something that clearly won't work.
"I release you, Wren," I reply. "I wanted you to be in my future so bad that I held onto you too tight. I'm sorry I can't be what you need."
I turn to leave but her voice stops me.
"Colton, wait."
I turn to her once more.
"You got what you wanted," I interrupt. "You have successfully pushed me away."
