Wren
Once I come to my senses, I use any strength I have left and push him off of me. I look at him with wide eyes.
Did that really just happen?
Did I really just let that happen?
"Wren, I'm so..." Before he gets a chance to say anything else I stop him.
"Don't apologize." I take a slow step towards him, "Colton." I say his name but it comes out as a soft whisper, "You don't know me." There are so many thoughts swirling around in my mind. There is so much I want to say, so much I wish I wasn't afraid to say. Why can't I just tell him? Why can't I just be honest?
A part of me thinks that even if he found everything out he would stay. That's the naive part of me talking. That is the part of me that never acknowledged pain, that shut down completely when things got too hard.
I don't realize that we've been standing there in silence for a few minutes.
"Wren." Colton says softly, his voice dragging me away from my thoughts.
I feel it.
I feel the anger start to build up inside me.
How can he be so calm?
How can he be so nice and understanding and patient?
How come, no matter how hard I try, I will never be a good enough person to be with someone like Colton Chambers?
"You have no idea what you're getting into, Colton." I remind him, "God, you have no idea who I am! How can you be so willing to be there for me!? How can you fucking stand there and realize that you deserve so much better than any of this!" I don't realize that I'm screaming at him.
"Don't say that."
"Don't say what?" I have to push him away. He needs to realize he deserves so much more, "You wanna know who I am so bad?" How am I supposed to tell him who I am, when I have no clue myself?
"I'm a foster kid. I'm a fuck up. Not even my own parents wanted me, Colton. You don't understand how that feels." I seethe, but he takes a step closer to me. He's trying to reach out to me but I push his hands away.
Push him away.
"That guy that you met? He wasn't just Noah and I's foster dad." I pause, looking him straight in the eyes, "He's... he's." I struggle to find the words.
Come on, keep pushing him away.
"Go! Go back to your perfect family. Go back to your mom, and your brother. Go back to Charlotte. Go back to living your perfect little life with nothing but college to worry about. Just go!" I push him away from me, tears are streaming down my face by now. I don't remember the last time I cried.
"Wren please." He begs.
"No! Colton you believe so much in the future but guess what? I don't have one and I don't ever want to be in yours."
