𝙰 𝚂𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜

Sup

I've been rly happy recently and I wholeass have no clue why

Also!! I went to my mums the whole weekend for the first time in ages and it was super good!
And she agreed to cover for me when I go on a double date next week!!

I've been pretty motivated rn, maybe it's bc I've been spending so much time with my friends? We've been playing minecraft together for ages and we've built 1 and a half villages, 1 medieval sorta and 1 modern
And we have another one planned

My dad doesn't seem to really care what I do unless it's school work or something physical

But that's okay I guess

My English teacher said that my writing is beyond my years and that I'm the top of my class, actually a lot of my teachers said I had top class school work
That made me feel super excited for the rest of the year

I haven't really been eating recently, not bc I wanna lose weight, but bc I'm not hungry
Like I'll have half a sandwich for breakfast, cheese and crackers for lunch and won't have dinner
Idk if that's bad or not

I'm pretty big and my dad is constantly asking if I'm not eating bc I'm on a diet
Like no??? I don't really want to lose weight anyways, I like being big. It makes me stand out a bit

We talked about mental health in hpe on Thursday
It sucked ass, and I cried

Nobody noticed tho, thankfully
One girl said that all people with mental illnesses are dangerous, yet claims that she has ocd and adhd.
Somehow I doubt it

I talk a bit about suicidal thoughts after this

My mum is trying to get me to see a psychologist, and I have ONE specification
'Not a man'
Yet apparently that proves difficult
My doctor asked if it would be a deal breaker if I couldn't see a woman
Yeah, Tony, yeah it would
I don't like men

I kinda want to die
Like I just want to not be here
Everyday is an effort
Even if I'm happy
I think sometimes it'd be easier for everyone if I was dead
My girlfriend
My friends
My dad
My mum
Both my sisters
Hah my eldest sister wouldn't have to choose between me or her boyfriend anymore

Anyways
I'm gonna play minecraft now
Have a good night whoever you may be
I love you