Being Nasty

This story is about being nasty.

Being a rude person.

Being a dick to everyone you love.

This isn't a fan fiction.

Or a story that you would idolize.

This is real.

Reality.

The reality of your nasty attitude.

Let's start with being rude.

When you wake up in the morning, and confront your family.

Your first presents of the day.

I see my father. Sitting, reading a newspaper.

I ignore him.

No 'good morning'

No 'hi dad'

No nothing

I see my mother.

Doing the dishes.

   "Good morning" she says with a smile on her face.

And I'll often discard her actions.

I see my brothers.

I don't say hello to them. I don't talk to them. I don't even make eye contact.

Sometimes, one of my family members will bump into me. By accident, of course.

And I'll growl at them .

Not  'growl'  but say something rude .

Perhaps push them back .

What causes that?

Is it a conscious choice?

Is it because of depression?

Or sadness?

Or madness?

No fucking idea .

What good does it do?

Does anyone like me for it?

Does it help me in any way?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Stop with the questions.

Because you know the answer.

I'm not even feeling my emotions.

I don't want to do anything with my life.

I'm dead.

There is no point.

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And I hate this attitude.

I absolutely hate it.

There is no point.

But once I get into this attitude.

I can't get out of it.

I feel like I'm dead.

I feel like there's no point.

And it takes over.

No escape.

It reminds me of meth

You do it just for a bit, you get hooked on it, and your fucked.

Of course, you can be forced to go to rehab by people who want to see you change.

But nothing will change until you decide you want it to be different.

However, you are unaware.

Unaware of how to change.

Or why you should change.

In fact, you don't think about change.

Change is scary.

Why get off my drug when I can stay.

Right here.

And feel protected.
Feel protected.

Its the feelings.

The feelings that we get

Stuck with

Attached .

Once were attached.

There's no going back.