Diaries For The Unheard

Entry #1

Only a writer will understand, or maybe a student who's writing an essay, or even an adult writing out an email would understand.

When you want to write, but you don't know what or how, and that stupid cursor just sits there appearing and disappearing on the screen, simply waiting for you to start, taunting you. It's doing it now as I'm writing this out, and I can't tell you how infuriated that makes me.

I guess, if this is a journal entry I should tell you how I feel, the problem is, I don't know. I'm happy that I'll be seventeen in nineteen days, I'm happy that next week I'll be going dirt biking all week, and I get to go to a theme park, I'm happy that I got to see some friends that I haven't seen since last year, and I'm happy that I made a hat for a breast cancer patient who is on the road to recovery, but that seems about it these days.

I'm worried about my Senior Project and whether I'm going to have to redo it. I'm worried about my AP test results that I'm going to finally be able to look at in four days. I'm worried about my sister, because she's going through her fair share of things right now and I don't know how to help her, and I'm worried about this stupid virus that is effecting the whole world. I'm worried about having to do my senior year, supposedly the best year of high school, online.

I'm not really mad at anybody, maybe I'm mad at the world because, even though it's 2020, the world still has issues with seeing past someone's outward appearance, whether it be because of color or disorder, or sexual orientation or gender. Maybe I'm mad because even though it's 2020, we are still telling little girls to cover up because men can't seem to control themselves, when instead we should be teaching those boys and men how to control themselves and that no woman is "asking for it" based on what she wears. And say I have daddy issues all you want, but man maybe I'm a little angry over the fact that it would be nice to have my biological dad be on my side just once, but hey if someone acts like they always have, there's no point in asking them to change.

The only thing I'm really sad about is that I haven't seen my closest friends since May. And I'm really going to be sad if I can't have a normal senior year experience.

I hope that the breast cancer patient, and a woman who I've known just about my entire life, makes a full recovery and that she enjoys her hat that I made for her, but I also hope she won't need much use of it. I hope I get to see and talk to my friends soon, maybe even see some of my cousins. I hope this mental health day helps me. I hope I get into a good college, and a college that I'm actually looking at, like Lewis and Clark, of U of I, or University of Montana. Those are all really good schools and they have excellent creative writing programs as well as psychology.

I'm also hungry and tired so I think I'm going to sign off now, talk to you in the future I suppose.

- Charlie Markey

A: See what I mean? It can be anything you want it to be!