my journey to a better life?

1

(The beginning) (TW🚫)

my life was anything but sweet the days with my acholic father were torture always starting arguments with my mom which would always end with my sitting on the bed while they argued on
I was always in my own little world it's always been that way it's a safe space I've always ran to whenever anything bad happened. distracting myself with playing outside making a secret hideout or making my all time favorite which was mud pies or go exploring looking for bottles to smash
It was a safe place until way later it taught me to keep everything in emotion wise to not let anyone see even now I can't open up to anyone
Or maybe it was my dad who knows
I could never forget when he found out two family members were touching me
And he blamed everything on me saying I was the cause and I was lying when those two threatened to beat me or tell all my friends (I was 7 at the time) and they would take me to the back of an abandoned building and hold me down all I could do was cry and try to break free but it was no use they were older than me anyways that conversation with my dad ended with a slap he didn't let me explain because who would ever think those two could do such a thing.
So after that was a huge blur I only remember bits and pieces here and there like sitting in the middle of my parents driving to go get there "stuff" they never did any of it of course they sold it
And with that money Everytime my dad did anything bad to me he would take me out to get stuff he would always go off being mad about something or yelling at my mom growing up
I would always get beat for the littliest of things or blamed
He always took his anger out on me plus my mom
Also the cps case I had bruises all on my leg for when he beat me bc I didn't share something with my cousins
And I told my school counselor which was a big mistake and I got taken away to go with my grandma I hated it there too I cried to go back also another mistake bc my dad bribed me to go back bc he couldn't wait to beat me after my parents were both done with the classes
After I moved back in with them I came back to my room decorated and done with sticker butterflies on the wall and other stuff (all I can remember was the butterflies) and it was cool for a while but I don't remember anything that happened after that

(Ik it's all a blur and it feels like I just came into existence at 10)

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