Just a Bystander

Food for Thought

The walk towards the others seemed to take an inordinate amount of time. The closer I got, the more apparent it was that I had crossed a line with them. Devon was the only one who seemed unaffected by the dark cloud of judgement that hung in the air.

The stone bench could seat three if they squeezed, but Jerric and Devon had taken it all for themselves. Lynus stood with his arms folded, wearing a stony expression that looked out of place on his face. It was the kind of almost-hostile look that I had grown accustomed to seeing on Kevan instead. Ambrose had his hands shoved into his pockets and was looking aggrieved.

'Hey Jerric, Ambrose,' I said as I drew near, doing my best to sound contrite. What I had done was worse than the first incident back in the dorm. 'I'm sorry about earlier.'

There was no immediate response. Jerric simply sighed. Kevan went to join his brother, looking a little smug. I supposed he was just glad that he wasn't on the receiving end of the group's displeasure.

'I know I messed up, I shouldn't have done that to the two of you,' I continued, feeling hot under the collar as the silence stretched.

'It took the Demiurge himself to undo what you did,' Jerric finally said quietly, looking down at his clasped hands.

'But he said you all were half-way through dispelling it before he turned up, so it can't have been that bad,' I blurted.

'Half-way?' Jerric's voice was sharp. His head jerked up and he fixed me with a hard stare. 'Half-way? Yeah, sounds about right. I dragged Kevan and Lynus half-way down the corridor before he showed up.'

'He's surprisingly strong,' Kevan interjected, grinning a little. The others were not amused.

Jerric ignored him and continued speaking, his voice growing tight. 'I've never felt so scared and helpless in my life. Everything was just pure fear, pure terror. I couldn't even think straight, couldn't even form one clear thought in my head.'

Devon put a comforting arm over Jerric's shoulders. I didn't know what to say.

'I tried venting arcana and sealing it out as usual.' Ambrose took up the narrative, sounding distant. 'But that didn't work at all. Somehow the arcanic net wasn't just injecting ambient arcana – I think it was actually altering my auric arcana itself.'

Lynus nodded. 'That's what I figured. I think I found a way to cut arcanic nets, but it didn't work on whatever it was Caden did so I'm pretty sure his net isn't the same as the one Reeves used on us. I don't even think Caden's thing is an arcanic net in the first place.'

'So what is it?' Devon turned to me. The question was delivered in a light tone, but it was clear he was just trying to be nice.

'I... I can't say,' I mumbled at my shoes, unable to meet their eyes.

Jerric scoffed. The change that had come over him was alarming. He was no longer the mild-mannered, even-tempered person we had known over the past two weeks. I felt a sharp pang of regret knowing that I was responsible for this.

'Jerric, I'm sorry, but please understand. If I could say, I would, but...' How would I even begin to explain this? I'd have to tell them about my sister, and about my purpose for studying arcanophany. And if their reaction to my stated rejection of prophecies back in the first week was anything to go by, this would provoke an even greater negative response. I'd maybe even be ostracised for being some crazy fringe radical.

'You'll give us hints, at least,' Kevan cut in. It wasn't phrased as a question. 'Because it's one of those things we have to figure out ourselves.'

That last part was probably true. But now that I thought about it, I had no idea how arcanists judged what students could be told outright, and what realisations had to be gently hinted at so they could come to personal epiphanies. In any case, this felt very much like the latter. Did that mean I shouldn't have just broken everything down for my father?