Hub City Horrors (Diary of the 2020 Stanley Cup Playoffs)

Tyson Jost's Diary: Monday, July 27, 2020

Edmonton, Canada

Western Conference, JW Marriott

Joseph Taylor Compher is my soulmate. And no, JT Compher did not type that. That is all the thoughts of-- Sorry, about that, ladies and gentleman. I leave my seat to show off my amazing ukulele skills to the newbies (Vladdy Namestnikov, Nazem Kadri, Val Nichushkin, Andre Burakovsky, Bowen Byram, to name a few of them) and he takes over my 2020 Stanley Cup Playoffs journal.

We're about to touch down in the wonderful city of Edmonton, who so graciously is giving the season a second chance to finish the right way. With the Colorado Avalanche being named the Stanley Cup Champions.

Please, readers, hold your applause and tears.

And, yes, Jimothy Timothy will -- of course -- be my amazing ginger-haired roomie. Don't tell him this, but while he's wasting the day away playing stupid video games on his computer, I will be serenating the hotel in sweet musical harmonies.

Gravy [Ryan Graves] peers around the seat and whispers, "So, how did they like the mad uke skills?"

I shrug at him. "Bo was clapping along, Naz booed and I might have made Vladdy prego."

"You did not make me pregnant, Josty, I'm a MAN!" Vladdy's [Vladislav Namestnikov] high-pitched whine comes from the front of the plane.

I roll my head around the side of my chair and flash him a playful, cheesy smile. Sammy G [Samuel Girard], who is sitting next to him with an arm around the blonde man's shoulders looks at me and gives me a middle finger.

I turn back around and report to Comphy [Jimothy Timothy Compher]. "Sammy G just flipped me off."

"You deserved it," Comphy remarks with a roll of his eyes as he smashes his hands on the keyboard of his laptop. "And you distracted me, so now I'm dead. Thanks, Josty, you're a real pal."

"Anything for you, boo."

Comphy sets his laptop on the tray table and then reaches over and grabs me around the head with one arm, while he gives me a noogie with the other hand. "You're going to regret doing that!!"

I glimpse Mikko Rantanen, Gabe [Gabriel Landeskog], Nathan "The Dogg" MacKinnon and Cale Makar, who are playing cards to the side of me. Mikko throws his cards down in frustration and folds his arms across his chest.

"This no fun! Gabe always win."

Cale smiles. "This IS fun!"

"At least someone enjoys it," Gabe says. "If you don't, Mikko, maybe you'd rather go listen to Josty's terrible uke playing."

Mikko grumbles to himself as the intercom comes to life in the plane. Comphy lets me go, my sex curls shooting out in all directions like I'd just waken up.

"This is your captain speaking--" the voice begins to say.

"NO IT ISN'T!" Gabe shouts out.

"Silence, Landeskog," the pilot sighs. "As if I haven't heard that joke many times before."

Gabe begins to die laughing at his own joke. Cale joins him. Nathan rolls his eyes and grabs the book that he is reading, Origin by Dan Brown.

"Anyway, please take your seats PROPERLY and prepare for landing...and no more puns, Landeskog!" the pilot pleads.

I can see Gabe preparing to make a comment, but instead he stows his tray table and buckles his seatbelt.

"Oh, and welcome to Edmonton, Colorado Avalanche," the pilot sighs into the mic, before cutting the intercom back off.