ｆａｄｅ ａｗａｙ| 𝘢 𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘢 𝘬𝘦𝘪 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

4.

warnings

slight angst! implications of suicide, profanity

if any of these bother you, I advise for you to avoid this book

-

the next day, students had piled in the classroom and placed flowers on her desk. a single white lily that had its own vase sat on top of the desk, reminding tsukishima that this wasn't a joke. this was real.

as much as tsukishima would like to think that he didn't care much about the girl, he did. and he damn well know how much he regrets not comforting you when you were right there in front of him.

he still can't comprehend what was happening, you seemed so happy, so pure, like you had no problems at all! but now that he thought about it, it was idiotic to think that everything was okay. it never is.

and with that, he had dashed out of the classroom, causing students to look at him with a mix of shock and concern, especially yamaguchi tadashi, who wanted to run after him but opted to exclaim that silly nickname he gave him.

"tsukki!"

-

you died. you died. you died. you died. you died. you died. you died. you died. you died. you died. you died. you died.

you're...dead..?

the girl that was always there to happily greet him, the girl that always asked about his day, the girl who actually tried to talk to him without any underlying motives, the girl he now realized that he liked..

is dead.

he couldn't believe it.you were too young. you weren't able to experience life long enough.why did you have to die? how did you die?

gripping his blond locks, slightly pulling out of frustration, he let out a pained scream.

"fuck!"

he fucked up. he knew he shouldn't have left you there to cry. but he did. he stupidly did. who even does that?! he did. and he wasn't ready for the news that came out from their teachers mouth.

it was his fault.

maybe it was because he was too blunt on you? maybe too harsh? did all his teasings get to you? was he too mean? too intimidating? did him ignoring you part of the reason why you died?

he couldn't hold it in anymore than he could have. slowly, tears started to poor out of his eyes. one drop, two drops, then a stream broke down.

why you?

why (l/n) (y/n)?

-

a week had passed, a week after you had died. during that week tsukishima barely got any sleep because he was constantly reminded that your entire being didn't even exist anymore. he had lost his appetite because of all the times he's seen you absent from your seat whenever the bell rang for lunch. he lost almost all of his will to even go and attend school, his only drive to go to school was yamaguchi being there in front of his doorstep to drag him.

he didn't see the point anymore. it was his fault that he wasn't able to see you smile anymore. it was his fault you weren't able to sit next to him and greet him like you usually did, with that cute smile and that sweet voice. he was beyond sad. he was hanging on the edge of depression and he knew it.

-

at lunch time he decided to go up the roof, apparently this was the only place you seemed to vanish to when the lunch bell rang. hardly anyone ever goes to the roof and he couldn't deny that this made him feel slightly better. calm even.

looking up at the blue sky that was clear of any trace of white puffy clouds, he thought back to what he had told you before you disappeared from the face of the earth

-

"how would you feel if you knew you would disappear right now?" tsukishima quirked an eyebrow and turned to look at you, questioning how such an outgoing and cheerful girl could turn into such a doleful idiot person in under a minute.

"it wouldn't matter." was his blunt reply. "even if i died right now, someone would replace me"

a smile formed onto the girls lips, though barely anyone could see the undertone emotion under it, tsukishima got a glimpse before the unknown emotion disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

"yeah. you're right"

-

"even if i died right now, someone would replace me..." tsukishima had muttered softly and began to clench his fists.

"you..! idiot...!" the railing shook as he slammed his fists against it, coming into another realization that he, once again, fueled your untimely death the moment he said those words.

although he was caught up with his thoughts he had spotted a folded up paper that sat snugly near the corner of the wall.

curiosity always got the best in people and he just couldn't resist. nearing the neatly folded yet still slightly crumpled paper, he say that it was his old results to a test which had a big 100% mark on it.

he clenched his teeth as much as he clenched the paper in his hands and tore it to shreds.