ｆａｄｅ ａｗａｙ| 𝘢 𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘢 𝘬𝘦𝘪 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

end.

warnings

slight angst! implications of suicide, profanity

if any of these bother you, I advise for you to avoid this book

-

tsukishima kei stood infront of your grave, a bouquet of (f/f) in his hands.

it's been a year. a whole ass year since he had attempted to take his life. yamaguchi and his brother- akiteru - immediately confronted him about it, even to go as far as giving him weekly counseling appointments. needless to say, he was better now. atleast as better than thinking about taking his own life.

he knew he shouldn't have been blaming himself for your death. it was his unhealthy mindset. his mindset only grew once he finally figured out that he caught feelings for you. it was dumb really, you don't usually see people 'fall in love the dead girl' but it was possible. he was proof of that.

if only he could touch you, he never had the chance- nor did it seem like him to do so- but i guess if you care about someone even after death, it would sure as hell make him feel things. unnecessary things.

if only he could've told you to stop forcing yourself and smiling like that- it was okay to cry, everyone does it at some point in their life- it almost didn't suit you to be fake, even if it was so that others wouldn't worry about you.

you were always a mystery. even now. he never understood how and why you would make yourself look happy in front of others when you certainly weren't. he never understood why you didn't just talk about it- yes it was selfish to think that since not everyone can tell things to people so easily, but it still helps- he knew for sure that he would've been silent the entire time, but he knew he would've listened.

he would've. he could've. but he didn't and now he couldn't— no, stop. stop blaming yourself. you had your reasons and all he can do was to respect it. to accept that you no longer reside in this world. hopefully you were happy with where you were right now. maybe you were finally smiling like you would've wanted.

as those thoughts raced through his mind, he couldn't help but feel the corner of his lips twitch upward in a small smile.

i'm happy for you..

even if i can't understand why..

but i know that i'll never forget you..

you were too hard to forget..

you were too precious to fade away...

blinking away the tears that slowly started to pour out against his will, he laughed. it was short, but sweet. genuine this time around.

i'll never forget you. (l/n) (y/n). my first love.