Ticking of time

Prologue

The sound of the grandfather's clock from the living room is the only thing that I can hear.

This room is empty, literally and emotionally.

Though, I can still feel the happiness vibes by looking at the picture frames above this vanity table. It's covered with dusts and spiderwebs yet the smile of these people are still shining.

Too sad that loneliness is slowly eating up the happy memories that this room has left.

In my every touch of a thing, familiar yet painful scenes are keep on flashing on my mind.

And it got worse when I found a notebook. Though I'm enjoying the innocent mind of this notebook's author and feeling the happiness she possessed as she wrote the every letter on it.

Kumusta na kaya siya?

Did this cruel world changed her perspective towards people? Did her experiences taught her how to be tough? Did it helped her change her personality in a good or bad way? Is she happy now? Did she still have this sweet smile of hers?

Sa lahat ng tanong ko, iisang tao lang ang makakasagot.

Tuluyan ko nang linapag ang notebook at pinasadahan ang sarili sa salamin na nasa harap ko. The mirror is old yet I can still clearly see myself in it.

Isang matamis na ngiti ang aking ginawad at sinuklian din ako ng babae sa salamin ng ngiti. But not that sweet as mine.

Muli kong inikot ang kwartong kinalalagyan ko ngayon at inisa isa ang bawat sulok. Nagbabasakaling may makita ako, kahit konti. Kaso mukhang pinaglalaruan na naman ako ng tadhana.

Kung maari lang na kusa sanang magpakita o kahit gumalaw man lang ang aking hinahanap. Na para bang multo at ito sana'y magparamdaman. Actually, it's my ghost in the past.

Pero bigo na naman akong makahanap ng panibagong impormasyon. Paulit-ulit na rin akong pumupunta dito kahit alam kong wala rin namang patutunguhan.
I just can't help myself in coming back to this place everytime I'm free.

I picked up the notebook I'm holding a while ago and decided to get it. Para naman may napala ako.

Lists of my loves, hihi ♥

The title is a little bit cringe, may pa 'hihi' pa kasi sa dulo. Okay sana if loves, as in kapamilya, kadugo o karamay sa buhay. Pero nangangamoy landi at kajejehan yung nasa loob. But to not waste the author's effort in enumerating the names of her loves, nilagay ko na lang ito sa backpack na dala ko.

I think this is enough for today.

I scan the room one last time before turning my back to the place which saw how weak and fragile the girl in the mirror is.

But I know and still hoping that it just for the mean time. Because I need to come back. May kailangan akong tapusin. May kailangan akong makuha. May kailangan ako sa kanya.

For years, I'm searching for an unknown thing that keeps on bothering me. I can't directly tell what is it but I know na napaka-importante ito sa aking pagkatao at buhay.

It seems like it is the missing piece in my puzzle. The piece that was hidden in a box just to make sure that the puzzle itself won't be completed at all.

Life is truly unfair though.

I was once a golden child but slowly depreciated as the value of a real gold increased.

But I believe that no matter how the season tests me, I will still shine. I still have a value. They still need me. Because that's what really my role is.

Then maybe life really works like that. It needs to get something from you in order for you to grow and find your valuation. We don't have a choice but to move on and continue our broken life. Or maybe fix it for our own sake.

Because no one can put the broken pieces in whole again but our own self.

In the past few years, I already proved how strong and independent I am. And I guess, I'm still doing good until now.

Along my journey, I realized that I should be thankful sa mga nangyari sa akin. Kasi dahil doon, mas nakilala ko ang aking sarili and I discovered a lot, even the ones that had been hidden from me.

Well, all I need to do now is to climb up again. And reach the place that really belongs to me. A place that they tried to snatch away from me.

I fixed my baseball cap and prepares to leave the room. I don't know if this is all worth it. Though I can only answer that if I already reach the end of this.

Sometimes, in order to get something that we really desire for, we need to sacrifice something as well. Give-and-take.

And for my case, kahit na ang buong pagkatao ko ang kabayaran, handa akong isakripisyo ito. In fact, they already took the whole me on the moment they snatched everything away from me.

Safricing my happiness and freedom is nothing at all.

But I promise, I'll be back.

Firmer but softer.

Before the clock stops its ticking.