The Sample-Kiribaku Pisscore Oneshot

Im only doin this cuz somebody told me to

I'm sorry 😐

"Yo. Shitty Hair," Bakugou knocked on Kirishima's bedroom door at like 5 in the morning on a Monday.
As early as it was, Kirishima was flattered that his dream guy and roommate wanted to come into his room at this ungodly hour.
Maybe they would do some premarital hand holding. Ah! The scandal!
"What's wrong, bro?" Kirishima asked, reaching for the hem of his own shirt just in case it was time to boogie.
"I need you to pee in this cup." Bakugou held a cup out, which he expected Kirishima to pee in.
"If you were thirsty, you should have just said so. But would you like it straight from the tap?"
"What? No! I need clean pee for a drug test but I did a drug!"
"Oooooh!" Kirishima blushed. Whoopsie. He made a big fucko wucko uwu.
He grabbed the cup, about to unzip and let it flow, when he realized something.
"I've realized something." He realized. "I don't have to pee."
"But I've got to leave soon and I need a sample." Bakugou whined.
"Okay fine." Kirishima took the cup to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He just kept drinking and drinking until his tummy went sloosh sloosh and he had to pee. He turned around so Bakugou wouldn't see his peepee and wizzed in the cup. "There you go." He said, handing the cup to Bakugou. "Don't spend it all in one place."
Bakugou took the piss cup and quickly scurried off to work.
Ah, what a strange night.

•••

Bakugou waited all day for his boss to come and pick up "his" sample. The whole time, the pee cup was just sitting on his desk, tempting him.
It wasn't like he WANTED to drink it. It just looked like apple juice and he was thirsty.
Eventually, the temptation was too strong. He had to try it. Just one sip.
His boss came in just as he was about to bring the cup to his lips.
"Lmaooooo this fucker is gonna drink his own piss." His boss...um...Yamato I guess, laughed at him.
"Uhhhh. Yeah. I was just checking to make sure it was still fresh 4 u." Bakugou insisted. "For when you drink it later."
"Oh that's sweet of you." Yamato picked up the pee cup from Bakugou and took a sip. He smacked his lips a few times to assess the flavour.
"Ah yes. This is a good sample. No drugs in here." He said. "Good job. Now get back to work."
But Bakugou just couldn't get back to work. He was still thinking about that pee. How must it have tasted? Was it gritty or did Kirishima drink enough water for it to be smooth? He was blushing just thinking about it.
By the time he got home, he was absolutely drooling. He NEEDED more piss.
"How did the drug test go?" His roommate asked, sitting casually on the couch. "Did you win?"
"Actually...my boss spilled the piss and I'll need another sample tomorrow." Bakugou lied.
"That's weird. Wouldn't he make you take another sample right away."
"Yes but I still did a drug and I had to convince him that I didn't have to go."
"Surely the drug will wear off by tomorrow."
"No. It was a hardcore drug. They stay in your system for days. In fact, I take one every morning."
"So you want me to pee in another cup?"
"Yes please."
"Okay give me the cup."
"Huh?"
"The cup they gave you for your sample. I'll pee in it for you."
"Oh...they didn't give me a cup."
"What?"
"They didn't have any. I'll just use a water bottle." Bakugou went to the recycling and found an old bottle, handing it to Kirishima.
"Okay. I'll get you your piss. Just give me a second." He said, downing three bottles of gaytoraide. He turned around and filled the bottle to the brim.
"Thank you." Bakugou said, capping the bottle.
"What drug did you take, anyway?"
"Flinstones Vitamins."
"Ah. The good stuff." Kirishima nodded. "Just don't get addicted. You know how addictive those things are.
"I like the pink ones best."
"Yeah. The pink ones are the best."
"Anyway, I'm going to go to my room now." Bakugou went to his room.
As he sat on his bed, he contemplated the bottle of piss. It was still warm in his hand, still fresh. Surely this batch would be even better than the last.
He unscrewed the cap, holding the bottle to his lips. It smelled so good. Imagine the taste!
As he guzzled it down like he was Bear Grylls dying of dehydration, he realized this was the thing that he had been missing his whole life. Kirishima's body beverage tasted like heaven. He was so focused on his piss drinking that he didn't hear his door creak open.
"Babkigpum? Whatre yadoimg?"  Kirishima asked, in the midst of a stroke, which he was having due to the shock of seeing Bakugou guzzling his piss like a thirsty animal.
"I'm sorry. It just looked so tasty. I had no choice but to lie to you." Bakugou explained, blushing in embarrassment.
"I told you to just ask if you wanted it straight from the tap." Kirishima reminded him. "I love you bro. I'd pee in your mouth any time you wanted me to. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't."
"Omygod Kirashimm, that's so romantic."
"You really think so?"
"Yeah."
"Then     Do you want to be my boymfriem?"
"Of course."
"Uwu."

•••

"And that, kids is how I met your father." Bakugou looked down at his three chilbren proudly. It had been several years since then and Bakugou drank piss whenever he wanted. Kirishima was like his urine water bottle but also his friend and his lover. He thanked bejeezus every single day for that one random drug test at work, because otherwise he would not have discovered his taste for piss.
The end.