Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental.
BEING CRAZY IN LOVE
CHAPTER - 11
Dard to dost purana hai
Saath mein yaadein lata hai
Kuch mithi si, kuch mushkil si
Phir main aur wo yaadein ,lag jati mehfil si
Khaas hai samjho yun itna ki ghar pe aana jana hai
Dard to dost purana hai.
"Harassment?? Surbhi ke saath??" there was a question mark on Mishti's face.
"OH Mishti, leave it. I can't marry you...not at all" Abir replied bluntly. Mishti knew he's giving a fake reply. His body language was not complementing his words.
"REALLY!!! Then why you never tried to make love with me, even today when I was willing to give up everything only for you...you didn't even touch me .Why?" inquired Mishti.
How can I destroy the one I love?
"Mishti kya ho kya gaya hai tumhe"
"Pyar" she replied instantly "Tum chahte toh kuch bhi kar sakte the aur main kuch kehti bhi nahi.But you didn't. Why? Let me give you the answer...because you love me. "She declared.
Both of them were well aware of this fact.
"Aisa kuch nahi hai. I don't deserve you" Abir was hesitant in accepting his feelings for her.
"Who you are to decide whom I deserve and whom not. OHHH... Seems like you are more interested in your Surbhi?"Mishti raised her brows.
"Mishti, Surbhi is my friend and will remain the same forever for me. I will never be able to love her..."Here Mishti got to know about Abir's love interest.
Then why Surbhi?
"Will you ever love her? No ...toh use kyon dhokha de rahe ho aur khud ko bhi. Just because ki usne dukh saha hai toh tum apni life sacrifice karne jaa rahe ho uske liye. Tumhe nahi lagta woh Surbhi tumhara fayeda utha rahi hai" Mishti tried to make him understand.
"Mishti please stop it.
"Ohh itni fikr hai uski" Mishti was feeling jealous now.
"Mishti you are not prepared for me" What was she supposed to prepare for? She got puzzled. Abir read her facial expressions and decide to close that chapter or open it.
"Mishti , I am still stuck in my past...I tried so hard but couldn't able to forget whatever happened ."
"P.A.S.T? What is it about?"she asked with trembling voice .
"OK...would you marry a guy who is a Casanova, who is a chauvinist, a womanizer??"
"OH...You scared me...phew...Jaise mujhe pata nahi...I know this very well...I know you and Yes I will because I have never seen any of those traits in you when you are with me" Mishti relaxed but she didn't know what would happen next.
"Ok tell me, would you like to marry a guy who was victim of physical abuse" .He finally spoke out...he knew Mishti truly loves him and will never move on, so he decided to disclose about his past.
"kyaa??Molestation?? Kiske saath??Whom are you talking about?" Mishti got confused. His voice made her trembling increase.
No he is not talking about himself
"Myself...I am a victim of child abuse" He whispered... Abir turned to look her abruptly and walked towards the window as he was unable to face Mishti. She saw him in pain and expressions morose.
"Mishti, I wanted to keep you away from me, my past..but..."
"You?" interrupting him she said in astonishment .It came as a complete shocker for Mishti. She failed to respond. She dint knew how to react. She felt like somebody has exploded a bomb near her ears.There was silence and stillness in the room.
"When did it happened?" instead of consoling him, she asked after some time
He looked at her. "When I was 11 years old .My school teacher sexually and physically assaulted me" Abir unfolded the rough chapter of his life... Abir was opening the pages of his dark past.
"A man...oh my god a teacher did it with you?"
"No...a Lady teacher???" Mishti was shell shocked on hearing this.
"What??LADY?? Teacher??? How?"
How a woman can do this?
"I never imagined in any of nightmares that a teacher of my school will ever do this with me."
"Mujhe sab kuch batana chahoge" she wanted to know everything.
"Mishti,why you want to know?"
"Please" she insisted
"She was my school teacher as well as my tutor. I used to go to her house for tuitions. There she used to touch my private parts intentionally but later on she started forcing me to touch hers. She made me play that dirty game with her."
"Why didn't you tell all this to your mother or anybody in your family?"
"She manipulated me by saying "We could both get into trouble for this." As a child I was unknown of the truth and I was scared and was ashamed to tell anyone what I was going through. I was raised in family where Indian values were given so much of importance, where I was taught to show and give respect to elders. Main Kunal se bada tha, maa hamesha kehti thi ki ab mujhe hi unka aur Kunal ka dhyaan rakhna hai ,maa kehti thi main ladka hun isliye sab mujhse darenge , main unka bodyguard hun. Hence i didn't know how to express my problems to my elders, even today it becomes difficult to express myself. As a result main batein chupane laga.Struggling with this secret made me think I was different from everybody else, which lead to feeling that something was wrong with me, I felt as inferior, damaged, or worthless. And I felt very, very lonely.
Abir told . He looked horrible and ashamed while telling all this to Mishti.
"She violated me physically by using my body.It left me feeling exposed and degraded. I used to think that her eyes are only searching me and will rip me . Even in hot summer days I used to go to school wearing a jacked above the school shirt , because i felt like as if I was naked." he laughed strangely but continued " I used to plead her " madam leave me , I don't want to do" . It was so painful.I became silent, shy and quiet.I was cut out of the world. And one fatal day, she did everything with me forcefully." told Abir whose heart was bleeding to death. Mishti saw his bloodshot eyes blazing when he was telling her about his bloody past.
"What happened after that? You told this to your family?"
"No...Same day when I came back from my teacher's house, my mamaji saw bruises on my neck. He asked me about those scratches...but I refused to tell him anything as I was ashamed to tell him the truth. He suspected that I had been sexually abused. And he finally found out my special relationship with my teacher. He confronted her. Initially she refused that nothing as such happened between me and her but her daughter revealed the truth and told each and everything to my mamaji .She was my saving grace.I will remain thankful to her throughout all my life." His lips were shaking, eyes filled with water...he was going to cry but was managing his emotions somehow.
"Where is that lady now?"
"Few months later after that incident, I came to know that she was fired from the school and was charged with criminal sexual conduct with student. And later came to know about her suicide."
"Can't you forget all that " Mishti asked .
"I tried ,even today I am trying so hard to erase all those images from my mind of those dim lights and dark red walls ,but that trauma left me confused and ashamed which changed the course of my life . Main sochta tha ki main straight hun yaa nahi. At the age of sixteen I slept with a boy so as to know about my sexual orientation. I didn't realise for a long time that by instinct I was a woman hater, because of my experience with that woman. I had experienced love as abuse so I often get confuse in distinguishing among love, affection, sex and abuse. Love and trust doesn't exist in my dictionary. For me love is loss of valuable energy .I love it when I dominate or crush a woman under me. It gives me immense pleasure. For me women are just to be used for sex. I find smoothness in alcohol, over work and sex." He looked tormented, angry and confused.
"Nobody take you to any doctor"
"Hazaron boys ke saath roz physical abuse hota hai , kya kabhi newspaper mein tumne kabhi padha? Hum par zabardasti label thop diya hai " mard ko dard nahi hota" . Doctor ke paas jana matlab badnami."
"Hmmm ...Have you told this truth to Surbhi?"Mishti asked giving him a glass of water. He took the glass and guzzled fast.
"Yes"
"Kya Surbhi Ko koi problem nahi" asked Mishti with jealousy filled in her eyes.
"Surbhi is that lady teacher's daughter, who saw everything that her mother did to me and she was the one who told everything about her mother to mamaji.Usne mujhe , meri life style ko change hote hue dekha hai.Meri playboy tak ki journey usne witness ki hai."Abir continued, "Mere past ke bare mein meri family ke alawa koi nahi jaanta,lekin Surbhi ko apni maa ki wajah se hamesha taunts sunne pade hain, gandi nazron ko sehna pada hai .That's why I gave her a job in my Chicago office.Now she is my responsibility aur main usse yahaan se door le jaana chahta hun.Usse khush dekhna chahta hun jisne apni maa ko bachane ki jagah mujhe bachaya... however I think I will never able to give myself totally to her." Mishti seemed numb in shock. Tears rolled down her cheeks.
I am sorry... Surbhi.
"The whole world knows me as a successful businessman. Everyone has seen me climbing the success...only Surbhi and my family has seen my debacle."
"Is that the reason you are marrying her?"
Abir nodded. Abir buried his head in his arms.
"Is she the reason you never came close to me"
"Nahi...ab tak maine jin gals ke saath s** Kiya hai woh sab experienced thi . Lekin you have no experience I mean you are virgin. Jab mere saath uss teacher ne kiya tha tab mein bhi to innocent tha phir main kaise kisi ki life ke saath khel sakta hun. Haan main chahta zaroor tha yeh sab "
"Do you still think that love doesn't exist" Mishti wiped her tears
"No...love exits in my life now" Abir looked at Mishti, sat on the sofa next to Mishti,
"Why you Abir ...why you only...nahi toh aaj tum mere hote"
"I don't know...I ask this question everyday...why me only" with an unfathomable look, "it is my destiny"He fell on the floor and gasped out tears.He held Mishti's hand tightly as if saying not to leave him ever. After few minutes he shed his tears and left Mishti's hand. She made him sit on the sofa and hugged him. She still could feel his sobs. Finally he seemed satisfied, he felt light.
Abir I still love you,even more .If you will come back to me I will consider myself the luckiest girl on this earth. If not ,I will accept that too. But will never stop loving you.
"Why are you crying?"Abir said wiping her tears
"I made a mistake...i... m...sorry"
"For what"
"Whatever I did today... I behaved like a maniac..."
He put his finger on her lips "SHHUHHH...no...for the first time, I loved it"
"I am sorry...mujhe yeh sab tumse nahi poochna chaiye tha "
"Nahi tumne theek kiya bohot saalon se jo baat dil ke kisi kone mein dafan thi , aaj tumhe bata ke dil halka ho gaya"
He kissed her gently for one last time and both almost childishly shy to meet each other's eyes.
"I don't know whether I will ever be able to tell you this or not but I can't let this moment go in vain...Mishti , I LOVE YOU"
They remained silent for a long time.
It was written in the stars that they would meet and fall in love..
Here's the 11th chapter of this fiction. Plz read and vote . Waiting for your valuable feedback. ( Plz ignore the grammatical mistakes)
Lots of love 💕
Stay safe 💜
