PALAYE ROYALE // SONG-SHOTS

Let You Down (Angst) // R.L.

based on the song Let You Down by NF

Things had always been strained between Y/N and her parents. Every decision she made seemed to be the wrong one in their eyes, from choosing to work for a "disgusting punk" band to actually dating a member of said band, Palaye Royale.

Feels like we're on the edge right now
I wish that I could say I'm proud
I'm sorry that I let you down
Let you down
All these voices in my head get loud
I wish that I could shut them out
I'm sorry that I let you down
L-l-let you down

Y/N had grown up with some signs of mental illness that her parents had ignored in hopes that "they would go away naturally", which in her adult years only further strained their relationship.

Yeah, I guess I'm a disappointment
Doing everything I can, I don't wanna make you disappointed
It's annoying
I just wanna make you feel like everything I ever did wasn't ever tryna make an issue for you
But, I guess the more you
Thought about everything, you were never even wrong in the first place, right?
Yeah, I'ma just ignore you

She was disturbingly used to being called a failure, a disappointment, anything to the point of telling her she "messed up her life" according to them.

Walking towards you, with my head down, lookin' at the ground, I'm embarrassed for you
Paranoia, what did I do wrong this time? That's parents for you
Very loyal?
Shoulda had my back, but you put a knife in it, my hands are full
What else should I carry for you?
I cared for you, but

They felt like her worst enemies instead of her greatest allies. Instead of being a support system, all they seemed to do was tear her down until she had no choices left.

Yeah, you don't wanna make this work
You just wanna make this worse
Want me to listen to you
But you don't ever hear my words
You don't wanna know my hurt, yet

Y/N never gave up hope. There was something there keeping her from cutting ties. Her boyfriend Remington was less sentimental, claiming she didn't need to hear what her parents had to say anymore if they weren't going to listen in return.

Let me guess you want an apology, probably
How can we keep going at a rate like this?
We can't, so I guess I'ma have to leave
Please don't come after me
I just wanna be alone right now, I don't really wanna think at all

They always expected an apology as soon as Y/N walked in the door on holidays. One never came.

Go ahead, just drink it off
Both know you're gonna call tomorrow like nothing's wrong
Ain't that what you always do?
I feel like every time I talk to you, you're in an awful mood
What else can I offer you?
There's nothing left right now, I gave it all to you

In a way, Y/N blamed it all on her mother's drinking problem. M/N would go out and become intoxicated enough that all barriers came down and she would leave ranting messages about how she missed Y/N and how she wished Y/N would visit more often. What she didn't know was that although Y/N knew her mother couldn't have been sober while recording those messages, she would replay them over and over for comfort even though she knew she wouldn't be visiting more often. It was detrimental to her mental health to see them and she knew it.

Yeah, don't talk down to me
That's not gonna work now
Packed all my clothes and I moved out
I don't even wanna go to your house

Y/N first ran away from home at sixteen, but since she knew no legal adults that wouldn't send her back home she tried sleeping under a bridge in the park. A few days later a passerby's dog sniffed her out and their owner brought her home. There were many other failed attempts to run throughout her late teens but when she turned eighteen she collected all of the money she received working at the local truck stop to move as far as she could from her family: Las Vegas, Nevada.

But I guess that I'm a letdown
But it's cool, I checked out
Oh, you wanna be friends now?
Okay, let's put my fake face on and pretend now
Sit around and talk about the good times
That didn't even happen
I mean, why are you laughing?
Must have missed that joke
Let me see if I can find a reaction
No, but at least you're happy

It was only when her parents wanted something from her when they would show any nostalgia about Y/N's childhood. Of course every time Y/N either didn't remember it happen or their retelling wasn't quite accurate.
Regardless she would pretend that everything they said about the past was true, not wanting to anger them further.

I'm sorry
I'm so sorry now
I'm sorry
That I let you down

Y/N sniffed and finished her rant to Remington, who sat and listened patiently. Although, his fists were curled by his sides in silent fury.

"I'm so sorry," Y/N apologized, "I didn't mean to make you upset with all of my issues." She barked out an insincere laugh but coughed afterwards. Remington released his grip and massaged her back, trying to soothe his despairing girlfriend as deeply as possible.

"No ma cherie, no apologies from you. You don't owe your parents shit anymore, they have manipulated you for far too long." He unlocked her phone with his fingerprint and opened the calling app, deleting every voicemail marked Mother or Father.

"You did nothing wrong to them, they were the ones to let you down."