I've been searching for a place to hide.
Trying to run away from this battle for a little while.
But no, I'm not a coward.
I just need a little break from everything for it's all too much.
A pause from fear, rejection, dilemmas - a pause from the uncertainties of life.
Maybe in that way, I would be able to pick up my falling pieces
and gain the courage to stand as firm as a stone and resume life.
I wanna be as strong as I could be but melancholy never forgets to pay a visit.
In my dreams I saw it in black and white.
In reality, I saw it in my mother's eyes.
And you know what?
It's been killing me all this time like a candle burning throughout the night.
Time's slipping away
and I could never look away from what's happening right in front of me.
I wanted to close my eyes
but I know it wouldn't help me anyway
by the time I open my it again,
same scenario would still show up.
I don't wanna give myself the false hope.
Life has never been that genie in a bottle story
wherein a genie would grant you three wishes and
in just a blink of an eye
and right here and there,
you already have what you wished for.
But it's so ironic
that no matter how devastating our current situation is,
I still believe in a happy ever after.
The alarming part is that sadness is slowly eating me
in a way that whenever I wanted to cry,
I could feel the ache like a sword dragged into my chest
yet there were no any signs of tears.
Most of the time I see myself staring at the space
seeing the melancholy of life and
feeling my heart shattered into pieces
all over again.
I've realized that pain will always be there with us.
It only takes courage to overcome and overrule it.
But sometimes,
no matter how strong you believe you are,
no matter how long you've trained yourself
to resist pain in various situations;
Sometimes, just sometimes,
pain takes the top and your system will shut down.
Later you'll find yourself so broken
that you can't recognize yourself anymore.
Questions will keep running on your mind
like pieces of the jigsaw waiting to be answered.
I have been on this stage for quite a while and yes,
I will let this pass by.
This is just a temporary station in this chapter of my life.
Someday, somehow this great chaos
will end and I will be wiser
than before.
To the sanity we've once lost, but now found.
