Days, weeks, months have passed, but here I am, still stuck with the memories he brought and still not moving on. My family pity me, at naawa na din ako sa sarili ko. Mahirap...walang tigil ang pagdaloy ng aking mga luha, sumisikip ang aking dibdib habang inaala ala ang kanyang mukha and all the memories with him. If just I could bring back the past, sana hindi na lang ako nainlove sa kanya, sana hindi na lang ako nahulog sa mga gestures na pinapakita niya sa'kin.
Hindi ko maiwasang maiyak habang nakatulala sa kalangitan, inaalala ang mga ala-ala na kanyang iniwan...
Hindi na nakakabigla na ng may nagbukas ng aking pintuan , dahil oras oras ay pumupunta si momay.
"Iha, kumain ka na... tahan na, accept it na lang anak, huwag mo na pahirapan sarili mo. Move on please, kami nahihirapan para sayo." Saad ng aking ina. Alam ko na nahihirapan na din sila sa akin. Mahirap mag move on, momay.. gustong gusto ko na din siyang kalimutan kaso.. ang puso ko, my heart can't, I can't... I love him, momay. Dumaloy nanaman ang masasariwang luha sa aking mga mata sa naisip ko. Gusto kong magsalita pero walang lumalabas sa bibig ko. Ang hirap magsalita, parang may bumabara sa lalamunan ko. I'm hopeless... nakatitig sa kalangitan at patuloy na dumadaloy ang aking mga luha. Walang nagawa si momay kundi yakapin na lang ako at hagudin ang aking likuran , hanggang sa nakatulugan ko na lang ang pag iyak.
Wala na bang isasakit ito?
Wala na, my life hanged, it just stopped right where he broke up with me. Sobrang sakit! At sa sobrang sakit ay gusto ko ng mamatay! Gustong- gusto ko ng mawala... ang sakit sakit na, ayoko na... can someone save me from this deep fvking pain? Cause I can't anymore... suko na ako...
"Easter, anak.. huwag mo namang pabayaan sarili mo, please. Move on! Anak naman! You're beautiful, there's so many men out there ! Hindi lang siya nag iisa sa mundo ! Can't u move on?! Tignan mo sarili mo! Ampayat payat mo na ! Anak naman... please, move on and live your life... anak.. please... he's not worth your cries, he's an asshole, worst, he's ugly! Kaya dapat huwag mo siyang iyakan! Easter anak..." I looked at her who was crying right beside me. I smiled even I'm hurting. I love my Momay.. she supports me on everything. She never leaves me... and I smiled genuinely to her because she's right. She got a point, but, my heart only beats for him and I still don't know how to move on with my life without him.
"T-thank you momay. I wish, but I can't. Ang hirap momay... sobrang sakit na! Mahal ko pa rin siya, momay... please help me momay.. I want to move on." I cried again in my mom's shoulder.
Kelan ba matatapos ang pag-iyak ko?
"I bought ticket , anak. You are going to travel, to unwind. You don't want that? Dba, it's your dream to travel ? Here baby, go! I know you will be happy soon. I love you ,anak.. come on, let me help you pack your things!" One day mom offered me ticket to Maldives, my dream. I'm going to travel without him, without anyone. Maybe this is the way, maybe there, I can move with my life.
"Thankyou momay! I loveyou, momay. You are the best mom ever!"
I'm ready.
Yeah, I'm now ready to fix myself.
"Okay bby, stay safe okay?! Take care of yourself! Do not do anything stupid, ha?! Always call ! I will miss you , anak. Ingat ka, love you."
"Yes, momay. Take care too. I will miss you." I hugged mom silently thanking her for everything.
Siguro ito na..
NEVER HAVE I EVER FELT INDEPENDENT NOT UNTIL YOU ARE GONE.
Maldives relaxed my brain. It gave me peace. At first, I felt alone, pero ng nakapagpasyal na ako sa mga magagandang tourist spot dito ay mas gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Minsan ko na lang siya naiisip. Hindi na din ako umiiyak gabi- gabi. I also met other people, I also socialized. It's very relaxing. I think, I'm now an independent woman. Having yourself only is not really sad, it's good cause no one will stop of what u wanna do. I can decide at my own without others opinion. Travelling after break-up is effective. It helps me to move on with my life.
And finally! I can smile and laugh now!
"Hey East! Come here and meet my other friends!" Jas shouted. We're here at GRY BAR, just hanging out with my new friends here. I met Jas in a restaurant here, she saw me crying that time, she helped and comforted me. We are totally strangers but we became close! She was there everytime I needed someone to comfort me. She's now my best friend and I'm very thankful that I found her. I only got her except with my family. All my friends back in the Philippines was not really true, they just wanna be close to me cause of him, Wesley. Why would they want me to be their friend? There's nothing special about me. Like what I said, I only got me, nothing special.
"Coming!" I walk confidently, wearing my beach themed dress because this bar is beach themed party. Weird, I know right.
"Hey! So this is my best friend, Easter! But you can call her East coz she came from East , i mean, Philippines ! HAHAHAHA ow, what a bad joke, hihi. I'm a corny joker." We laugh of what my best friend said.
"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA you go home , Jas. So, bad joke. JAHAHAHAHSHS"
"THE JOKE WAS NOT FUNNY! WHAT'S FUNNY IS YOU! HAHAHAHHAA CORNY JAS!"
"Stop laughin' y'll. Introduce yourself to her." At bumaling siya sa akin.
"Bathroom." She told me and I just nodded and smiled.
"Hi! I'm Eva! You know me? I'm the woman from the genesis, and oh, this is Adan! My husband,hihihihi. Nice meeting you!"
"I'm Cassy, and here is my boyfriend Josh! Nice meeting you!"
"Hi! I'm Jack, single and ready to mingle! Hahahaha!" And we laughed again.
What a funny man. Hahahah
"Hi! I'm Kerb, here is my fiancee, Beory. Enjoy the party!" I smiled to them and shake hands. At first, nahihiya ako pero habang tumatagal ay nakakasabay na rin ako sa kanila. They are funny! Really! They are fun to be with. We danced, drunk, laughed, and talked with each other!
Never have I ever got drunk not until I met this party girls and my best friend Jas!
This is me now! After almost 10 months of moving on, finally! I've MOVED ON!
My heart is now free from all the pain that he brought. I've finally moved on. I've got a new career here in Maldives . I did start my life here, with just my best friend. Man is not my priority anymore, career, it's my career now.
I'm Eng. Easter Jise E. Lowes , 23 years of age. Currently working at JNY COMPANY.
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Hm, what can u say?
-Juls
