Memento

2

For there are memories that shall whisk off into thin air within seconds, so as memories that shall live and breathe the same way that we do; know that ours will be etched in every definition of perpetual, in every construct of time and space, everlasting, never-changing. Will we ever forget? Not once, not ever.

sgd. Son Seungwan 7/15

Why do people make plans anyway? Time and time again, it has been proven that plans don't really work out the way we want to? Weirdly enough, it puts you in fight or flight mode; every single time, mind you, which then results to either, you, making the best decision of your life, or the absolute worst that even plan B-Z wouldn't even save you from the humiliation.

There's no in betweens.

Those who disagree, has clearly, never went out of their comfort zones. I said what I said.

So, I guess the answer is: people make plans to make them believe that they're not going in blind, people make plans to be able to jump whilst holding on to that imaginary parachute called plans. It makes one feel safe, secure and protected. Human Nature. Understandable.

Then, of course, our friendly neighborhood, life, happens. And boy, did it ever did happen to me. Law school. The entirety of it.

How I wish I planned for this.

Imagine meeting love personified, at the time where I clearly believed that codals and printouts were the only thing known as life-changing.

You guessed it. I thought wrong.

There she was, living and breathing in all her glory, I basked in her existence. Sometimes you just have to thank the heavens for the blessings. Say grace, ask for some more and then say grace, again.

Hearing her voice as she answered.. another blessing!

It's like the thought process behind it was paint and the whole classroom was the canvass, carefully placed pauses, in verbatim. Articulate. Relentless.

If I remember it correctly, not that my memory has ever failed me, Aristotle was a guy, wasn't he? Then who, in the ancient Greek and present world combined, is this woman?

One time she asked about case assignments. A rare opportunity of seeing her up close.

Everybody say it with me, another blessing!

I was stunned, Wendychoppa was grounded! Mayday, mayday! Woman down, I repeat, woman down!

I am human after all, I do forget things once in a while. Well, seldomly, rarely; but not something innate.

I forgot something. Fuck!

Was it my case digests for the day?

Nah, I have it all memorized and understood.

Oh, it's probably Seulgi! Did I forget to wake her up for class?

Nah, she's right beside me, laughing her ass off.

"Wan! A pretty lady asked you a question! Cat's got your tongue?"

Since when did Seulgi learned how to wink? And pointed towards.. girls?

Oh.

Apparently, I forgot how to speak and I was also holding my breath for a little while. So, I forgot to do what was supposed to be an involuntary thing. Who does that?!

" I..uhm.." was my clapback. Wendy never loses her grip. Not in front of pretty girls. But she wasn't just pretty, she's breathtaking, absolutely gorgeous! But whatever! take that, Seulgi!

Of course, she chuckled at my pitiful existence. That chuckle. Julliard approved; calming nature sounds and an orchestra of angels were found in shambles.

Wow, Son Seungwan. Top of the class. Recit Rap God. Speaks in conviction, grit and fervor as if the entire jurisprudence in this world was penned by her; was suddenly unable to form coherent sentences. Wendy who?

I was brought back to life when she extended her hand, smiled and said her name.

" It's Bae Joohyun, by the way. I hope to hear more from you, Wendy."

There I was, thinking I was witnessing the reincarnation of Aristotle. What was I thinking? It's Aphrodite in disguise! Sorry ma'am, but you're terrible at it. We all know it's you in your human form.

She said something about asking another blockmate of ours, and that she thought I was Wendy McGreasy for a reason but she was mistaken? Something like that. I never really heard much.

Because in my head, I was already planning our lives together.

Through the years I've spent with Joohyun, I understood why people make plans, it's to ensure that you achieve what your heart desires and for you to find your own version of genuine happiness.

Plans are there to help you get back up when life throws you off course, racing you through speed bumps, and keeps you in detours. Goals, even with all your hope and passion, without plans, they are nothing but a mere dream.

Although, not even a single plan ever prepared me for someone like Bae Joohyun and the life with her that came after.

What do you mean, WHAT.

Of course, I got the girl. I'm Son Seungwan! All I do is win! I never lose.. or maybe I did.. Sometime. Somewhere.

Life wasn't meant to be perfect. It was meant to be lived in your own version. Perfect or not.

Not because everything was clear as day for me. It goes the same for everyone. Have I ever mentioned how ironic my life is?

I never experienced the struggle of failing to remember important things, except for that one time. Joohyun was involved, what did you expect? All my life I treasured everything about Joohyun. Locked and stored in a military grade vault in my mind and heart. Making memories with her was the high of this precious gift that I have and for that, I am grateful, eternally grateful.

But this brain of mine, coupled with life's dirty antics made me realise that a photographic memory is a double-edged sword.

Ted Mosby once said that we'll be shocked when we discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why when we find someone we want to keep around, we do something about it.

And so I did. Every single day, I did. It wasn't just something. I did everything.

I hate how vividly I can remember every single memory, like it just happened yesterday. I hate remembering when all I want to do is to forget.. even just for a little while.

.. because she did, slowly and then all at once.

Have I mentioned how ironic my life is? Let me write that down just to be sure.