Chasing You

Chapter ~ 3

Autumn's POV

Why is it happening to me? Why do they think it is okay to keep scratching my wounds? Why cant they just talk about something else? Anything else excluding my insecurities and weaknesses? How much more can a person take? Everyone has a limit they can bear.

Nothing, I got nothing.

All those nights, weeping and suffering, every morning, waking up to red and puffy eyes, going on with a tight schedule, wake up, shower, hurry to college, working part time jobs during free hours, tutor students until evening, hurry back to college and spend time in library studying hard for upcoming tests, walk back home after 9 pm, and then get accused of being unable of doing the house chores as if my long tiring day wasn't enough.

Lets just ignore the fact that I go through humiliation. Being told every single mistake I have ever made over and over again, laughing at my weaknesses, crushing little specks of hope flying here and there and making my everyday life feel like prison.

*beginning of flashbacks*

"May God never send another disgraceful child to even my enemy!"

"Who do you think you are? A queen? How did you even expect that you deserve love?"

"Have you ever wondered about your faults? How many times do I have to remind you?"

"You are worthless, none of us need you in our lives."

"You should just quit studying, get married so that you know how it feels when he kicks you out. Because certainly, that is what you deserve."

"The sight of you disgusts me! How can someone be so ungrateful and irresponsible?!"

"Why are you even crying?! Stop it with your dramas already."

"Don't even bother to apologize, its meaningless. Don't talk to me."

*end of flashback*

It hurts even more because it comes from the people who you are supposed to turn to when shit goes wrong. Yes, family.

It hurts, so much that at one point I even tried to suicide, which is something I have always dreaded ever since I was a little girl. Depression would be an understatement. I haven't been able to find happiness anywhere, for the past 6 years and 4 months to be exact.

All the accusations, profanities and blames are ringing in my ear at the moment and for sure I am considering death as the best solution.

Living my life as a free-spirited child, not caring much about what people think, spending every day happily and believing life is perfect... it all seems like it never happened.

Growing up and getting to know the harsh reality was like a strike of lightening right on my heart. It killed me, it killed my happiness, my hobbies as well as my dreams. All those words and harsh behaviours hurt more than physical abuse.

Cold wind and heavy rain attacked the moment it contacted my skin. I shook my head and continued to run, at this point I don't even know where I am. My heart rate was increasing, and it felt as though I could pass out, but I still kept running. Running away from a place called home, a place which feels like hell. My vision was blurry, and my eyes were burning from crying, yet I couldn't understand why I was still crying. How can a person cry so much? I felt weak, I am angry and frustrated, angry for being so weak, for being emotional, why cant my heart just turn into coal? Just how it does to others? I don't want to be seen like this, I hate myself. Crying makes me feel like the weakest being on earth. However, tonight is different, tonight, the clouds are crying with me.