Learning All Things Owen Jackson

Chapter IX

Staring out of the clean, pristine window, I wordlessly watched as many of the residents outside on the luscious green grass either read under trees or sketched with blunt pencils in tatty sketchbooks.

Individually, they all did their own thing, keeping a far distance from each other as they quietly carried out their activities.

A breath was released from Leon who sheepishly sat opposite me. His cracked lips managed to form what would be considered a smile before he then began to speak.

"Mum told me her and dad were getting a divorce."

For the first time in over a month, those were the first words he had chosen to say to me. He told me information that I had already known. Nothing about himself nor about the place he was currently residing in.

My eyes darted over to him and I studied the man I used to rely on.

He possessed weary, bloodshot eyes and messy, brown hair along with yellowing, short nails which dug into his trouser leg. The shortness of his nails were most likely the result of his recovery and the anxiety that came with it.

The uncertainty of it all.

He didn't exactly mirror the same person who I had found in the picture frame at home.

The man with a brilliant, bright smile and beautifully sparkling eyes who had the most perfect hair.

All of that was...gone.

And all that was left was the shell of that person- a fragile and unpredictable shell.

Leon waited for a response from me, but after having seen the look of despair in my eyes he was quick to change the subject.

"Everyone is really kind to me here," he commented, smiling at a young woman who swiftly walked past us. "There's no judgement in this place. I feel like I can finally breathe again, you know."

I raised my eyebrows, feeling as if there was a double meaning behind his statement.

"Leon-"

"No, Cam, I know what you're gonna say."

I tilted my head at him and pursed my lips.

"There was judgement towards me. A lot of judgement," Leon replied, lowering his head to his lap. "Mum, dad, you. You all tried to...baby me and act as if I was sick- but I wasn't. I was an addict. Hell, I still am."

I winced and shook my head at his words, even though every single one of them held nothing but honesty.

Sharp, stinging tears pricked at my eyes and I gave him a watery smile, which turned out to be more of a grimace than a smile.

"You were sick, Leon. Your addiction made you ill and we all tried our best to help you, but there was nothing any of us could do. You needed proper care. Professional care."

A stray tear fell out of my eye and I was quick to wipe it away, feeling feeble and almost awkward.

I stared at Leon after, watching his face scrunch up, his eyebrows turn up and his eyes stare back at me with deep worry and a tinge of sadness.

Quickly, I looked away from him to the window in hopes to avoid his almost pitying stare, but to also push away the sense of guilt in which I was feeling every time I looked at him.

Leon spoke out after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

"I'm sorry I became such a disappointment."

My lip wobbled and shortly after I felt the skin between my eyebrows crease from the deep frown that had formed.

"You deserved a better brother."

A tiny whimper escaped from my shaking lips and I smacked my trembling hands against them.

Concern washed over my brother's face and he whispered, "I'm so sorry, Cam, I didn't mean to..."

Leon went to stand up but he halted when I lifted my hand up, palm facing him in a bid to stop him from comforting me.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I shook my head as my hands still covered my shaking lips.

Finally, I lowered my hands and bravely looked up at him.

"I deserved better."

Leon nodded and sighed.

"I know, Cam."

Curling my hair behind my ears, I stood up, reached for my bag and looked over at my brother.

"I deserved more than abandonment."

With one last look at the crushed expression upon Leon's face, I briefly gave him a watery smile and headed towards the exit.