The Heart of Him

NEETRUOF

Time spent visiting your family can either go one of two ways. One, you're hit with an overwhelming wave of nostalgia and find yourself laughing at practically everything because you're just happy to be in the same room as all the people who taught you the meaning of love; forget all of their shortcomings. Or two, you question whether or not you have the serial killer gene somewhere deep down inside of you so you have something to blame for the irresistible urge to murder anyone who walks through the door with your surname. For Zayn, there's never really been an inbetween. And this year, his imaginary samurai sword's been getting a lot of good use.

It didn't start the second he walked in the door, though. His parents were as doting as ever for the first twenty-four hours, showering him with adoration and hugs as much as they could; happy to have their son and only fully independent child in their presence after not having seen him in the flesh for well over six months. Even his sisters were on their best behavior. Except the one below him, Waliyha. She may be working on becoming a beauty something or other, but her real passion in life is to do whatever it takes to get Zayn to snap. Lucky for her, nicotine withdrawal makes her job a lot easier this trip.

Christmas Eve marked day four of no smoking. Historically, it's a pivotal one for Zayn, and more times than not, ends up being phase three's final leg. He knows why too - the positive outlook has usually faded and the cravings start to come at full force, as if they're letting him know 'alright, that little hiatus was fun, but now it's time to go back to how things are meant to be'. Even with the patch releasing the chemicals into his bloodstream slowly, those voices in his head refuse to shut up. They kept him awake all night, which meant walking into the front room to open presents the next morning was like walking into a minefield for the rest of the family, unbeknownst to them. The smallest of remarks had Zayn gritting his teeth in irritation; a simple ask of his well being made him clench his jaw. It took Waliyha a whole twenty minutes before she got him to his breaking point. "Wow Zayn, you got Mum plants? Not even like the full thing, just the seeds? You're really that busy saving lives as a fake doctor to not get them already grown?"

It was when his Mum went after him into the kitchen that she learned the reason why her son's eyes were bloodshot from no sleep and his skin paler than normal. And Zayn appreciated the supportive hug and handful of kisses that followed, but that didn't take away how much of a monumental effort it took to not bite back at one of his cousins who asked him why his leg was shaking so much all day.

As much as discovering that Liam had to cut his holiday festivities short because of his research duties was upsetting for Zayn, he was glad for the excuse to come back to Oxford early. If Zayn hadn't felt the need to make sure Liam wasn't completely alone during the break, he'd still have an extra four days to spend dodging his family like the plague. He wouldn't be getting annoyed by the blindingly white walls of Radcliffe Hospital - an occurrence so common that Zayn finds it hard to decipher whether or not he's pissed off by it because he always is, or if it's the withdrawals talking.

Either way, he puts up with the agitation long enough to reach the research lab door where he knows there will be a man who's smile will take it all away. He's not disappointed either, Liam nearly jumps at the knock on the lab door window before his face is split in half from a surprised smile, eyes squeezed so tightly in joy that he almost falls over one of the chairs next to him when he gets up.

For the hour they meander around the upper floors of the hospital, finishing the coffee and bag of Wotsits Zayn brought with him, Liam's elation hardly diffuses. Zayn's is there too, peeking out from underneath his eyelashes through a warm shade of hazel, but it's much more subtle. It doesn't at all mean that he's any less impassioned to hear about Liam's whirlwind of a twenty-four hour trip to Wolverhampton. No, he's looked forward to learning the details about how the male's oldest sister joke-gifted her four year old son a lemon ever since Liam had texted him about it Christmas morning. That, and how much weight Liam actually put on from all his Mother's cooking, rather than just reading about how many kilograms he undoubtedly exaggerated with; if anything, he looks like he lost weight compared to Zayn.