RUSSIAN ROULETTE

半夜

It was dark outside.

Seulgi was sitting in the car, howling and questioning her life. She wiped the tears away, but new tears keep flowing down her cheek.

The pain won't go away, the tears don't want to stop and the pressure in her head increased.

I don't deserve this life, she thought.  Why does it have to be Kang Seulgi?  The girl who would try to make everyone smile? The one who would leave everything for her beloved people ?

Why are her parents arguing literally every day ? What was the reason her boyfriend broke up with her ? Why did this happy and lively girl suddenly become depressed?

Her whole body trembled. It was cold in the car. Seulgi could take the blanket on the seat next to her, but she doesn't have strength for it.

Seulgi lost all her strength and motivation. She wants to give up.
When she realized how lonely she was, she no longer wanted to live in this terrible world with terrible people.

Seulgi could call her friends, but she doesn't have the strength or motivation for that, too.

They could call me. They know how bad I feel and that I'm in this state. Don't they care about me ?

Why yerim? Why Wendy ? Why Sooyoung? Why is it so difficult to call me?

At that moment, Seulgi just wanted attention. She wanted someone to take care of her, to comfort her.  However, no one came. She was lonely.

Her hand reached for her cell phone.  She dialed Sooyoung's number, but her hand froze. Now she didn't want to call Sooyoung. Seulgi thought she was a burden for everyone. That's why none of the three call me, she thought. She was the hyperactive, happy girl who annoyed everyone around her.

Memories came up. Good, bad, nice, bad and unforgettable memories.

One of those memories was called Joohyun. Joohyun was Seulgi's first, true, best friend. They had good, bad, nice, bad and unforgettable moments.

She cried even more because of all the  flashbacks she got in that moment.
Now she doesn't care about anything - her family, her friends, everything.

The only thing she wanted was Joohyun. Or her death. The thought of death buzzed in her head. Seulgi got to the point where she no longer knew what to do.

Are the people afraid of me ? Just because I've seen life positively doesn't mean I'm weird. Was everyone depressed and saw life as something negative ?  Then why are they still here ?

Would everyone be happy if I left ?  Would everyone have a better life without me ? Am I really a big, nerdy burden for everyone ?

She didn't want to think that way. It felt like there was someone in her head trying to make her commit suicide.

Seulgi shook her head, just shouted no and her tears continued. She has to think positive, she shouldn't think so pessimistic and depressed. Seulgi's characteristic was her cheerfulness and her sweet smile. She never wanted to think that way.

But the negative thoughts won. She doesn't want to stay in the world anymore. Joohyun ignores her, that means, that  she doesn't want Seulgi in her life anymore. Seulgi no longer had a purpose in life. She wants to get away from this bad world.

How would a world be without Kang Seulgi ? Would it be better or maybe even worse than Seulgi would think ?  She didn't knew and didn't  want to knew. If she would be gone, she wouldn't know about it anyway.  Why should she worry about it then ?

She got out of the car and ran. She knew where to go. This place was much better than her parents' cold car.

Seulgi was now standing in front of a swing, in the middle of a park. She turned on the flashlight on her cell phone, approached the two hanging swings and glowed her light on the ground.

Then she saw it.
An S and a J had been scratched on the concrete floor.

Seulgi and Joohyun were always of the opinion that both were completely different, special people. They were a little different from normal best friends. Their bond to each other was simply much stronger and more special. Well, it was like that.

Then Seulgi thought of something.  The reason for the ending of their friendship was the relationship between Seulgi and her ex. Seulgi was blind by love, but she also wanted to distract herself a little.

Now Seulgi remembered that their relationship with her ex was one of the most pointless events in her life.  She lost her best friend because of him.

Seulgi wanted to scream, but didn't want to annoy the people around.  Not again.

She sat on the swing and looked up at the sky. Her vision was blurred due to the tears, but she could see the clear moon and shining stars well.

The stars had an unusual arrangement. It resembled a J. Joohyun.

Seulgi saw the stars as signs. When she looked around, she saw a person.  When the person approached, she recognized her old best friend, Joohyun.

She came closer and Seulgi thought that Joohyun was a hallucination, but when her arms wrapped around Seulgi and she said the words Seulgi needed, she knew that Joohyun was not a hallucination.

"There is always someone who needs a certain person in life. I need you."

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905 words