Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep

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Jieun remembers the squeal of pain Joohyun let out when she rubbed a purple patch on her arm. It was a cold day when they were eight, sitting in art class painting with acrylics. Joohyun took off her blazer so it wouldn't get dirty, exposing her pale arms with a patch of violet below the elbow. Jieun rubbed it, thinking it was dried paint that would crumble off with a bit of pressure. The latter jumped back in her seat when Joohyun placed a hand on top of the spot and softly patted it.

"What happened?" Jieun asked, feeling guilty. Joohyun looked at her for a second then back down at her arm, moving her elbow inwards so the mark would no longer be visible.

"Nothing. I fell," Joohyun said with a small voice as she held her hand over the spot when standing up to grab the water cup across the table.

That was the first of many random bruises Jieun found littering Joohyun's body throughout their friendship. She was often sneaky about it though, cautious in making sure no one could see them. But Jieun was too close, only becoming more and more involved in Joohyun's world as they got older.

• • •

Jieun sat next to the aisle while Yoongi drifted in and out of consciousness, resting his head against the window. Buildings ran across the landscape outside as the bus rolled through the city. She rarely went this route, usually only going over Joohyun's house to pick her up for school in the mornings. Usually, the two would go to Jieun's house afterward or too to some random place in the town to waste time with friends. The massive clean buildings grew smaller and dirtier as students with her uniform exited and kids of another dress got on. Jieun tried her best not to be prejudice, but she found herself unintentionally scooting towards Yoongi, increasing the distance between her and people who seemed to be...lesser. Their dialect was louder and crasser than what she heard within the safety of her upscale prep school and the clean shopping areas she spent time with other well-off delinquents. She thought she was a bad kid, but felt like an innocent child when she overheard their talk of gangs and what they consider a fun night out on the town. Jieun took in a breath and looked out of the window, Yoongi's chest rising and falling in her peripheral. The bus approached a stop that she recognized as being down the street from Joohyun's house. She smacked the boy's chest to wake him and adjusted her bag, getting ready to stand.

The bus slowed to a stop and Jieun stood, waiting for the boy as other teens also got up to exit. The girl tucked a strand of slick faded hair behind her ear as a few people gave her obvious glares when they walked past her seat. A few boys going so far as to make obscene gestures with their hands, jokingly flirting but still making her cringe. Jieun rolled her eyes to appear confident as she stepped into the aisle and grew relieved as Yoongi stood behind her, unknowingly blocking the girl from any creeps behind her. They got off the bus and walked in a silence that makes Jieun even more nervous. Yoongi kept a lazy pace half a step behind her, making Jieun want to die as every small sound caused her to worry.

"Get it together, no one is gonna jump out and attack you," Yoongi said as he had enough of the girl's strange behavior. Jieun looked back at him and couldn't find anything to say, so she turned back around started jogging towards the Bae residence. Yoongi scoffed and quicken to a normal stroll, his slightly longer legs making him close the gap between them more with each step. They reached the front of the home and Jieun kept up the jog through the browning grass until she reached the front door. There was no car in the driveway so she had no clue if Joohyun's mother would be home to answer. She knocked anyway. Jieun stood and looked through the small window in the door, not seeing much as the lights in the house were off. She knocked again, giving four strong pounds on the faded wood. Yoongi stood next to her, hands in pockets as he waited, also a bit taken aback that no one came to answer yet. Jieun let out a breath and put her face close to the glass, placing cupped hands on either side of her face to get a better look.

"They keep a spare key in the mailbox," Yoongi said. Jieun looked back at him and saw his face was calm, meaning he was telling the truth. She was about to open the metal box when the familiar rusted blue Toyota rolled down the street before pulling into the driveway. Jieun fully turned around and stepped away from the door as she watched Joohyun's mother emerge from the car. Yoongi also turned and watched his aunt as she opened the door of the backseat, grabbing two arms full of groceries.

"Hey kids, what are you doing here?" Bora asked as she approached them, hanging one bag to each of them as she pulled the keys from her jacket pocket and unlocked the door.

"We came to check on Joohyun. She didn't come to school today so I guessed she was homesick," Jieun said as the door opened and Joohyun's mother stepped inside and flicked on the living room light.

"Sick? I thought she spent the weekend with you? I haven't seen her since Saturday," Bora said, pausing as the girl's words registered. Jieun felt her arms stiffen as she stood still, the thing pulling out of her thoughts being Yoongi's hand on the small of her back, leading her in the house. The two walked in and Jieun slipped off her shoes before following Bora to the kitchen where they sat groceries. Yoongi left the room to go collect the rest, knowing his aunt often bought way more than would feed her and her daughter as a way to make him and the rest of their extended family come over for meals. Jieun watched the woman unbag the items and put them away as her nerves grew even more unsteady.

"We were supposed to go out with friends on Saturday but Joohyun never showed. I texted her all weekend but she never responded," Jieun said, causing the woman to turn around and meet her eye.

"Are you sure she's not at your house?" Bora said, using denial as a way to calm herself. Joohyun was a wild child and did whatever she wanted to do and Bora knew there was no use in trying to stop her. Jieun shook her head as the woman's expression became stern.

"I haven't seen her since Friday after school," Jieun said honestly. Yoongi came back into the house and entered the room with arms full of countless plastic bags. He sat them on the table, letting out a huff.

"Can I go check out her room?" Jieun asked, feeling awkward with the situation.

"Of course sweetheart. Are you two staying for dinner? I can make something really fast," Bora announced, already pulling a skillet from the dishwasher.

"Yes Auntie," Yoongi said honestly, always happy to eat. Jieun rolled her eyes and grabbed his wrist, dragging him with her out of the room and down the hall. The two stood in front of Joohyun's bedroom door, which was completely shut. Jieun let go of the boy and placed a hand on the knob. She opened the door and entered the cold room.