Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep

My

They were eleven, almost twelve, during their first year of middle school. Just a few days into the semester is when Joohyun had her first kiss.

"With who?" Jieun asked as they walked down the hall together before school started. They weren't lucky enough to share the same lessons since Joohyun did poorer on the final exam last school year. That didn't keep them from sneaking away during class at the same time to meet up in the bathroom and gossip every other day.

"Oh you know, Kim Jun-something," Joohyun said, trying to sound cooler than she was. In reality, she was just curious and since the boy offered to carry her books one afternoon, she felt like giving him something in return. Jieun just looked ahead and nodded, wondering when it'd be her turn.

"On the lips?" she asked, wanting all of the details.

"Duh. It's wasn't like the movies though. Maybe 'cause we weren't in 'love'," Joohyun said a bit silly at remembering how lackluster the actual action was. In addition to how the boy barely stopped walking and just gave her a generic smile afterward made her feel ultimately let down with the experience. She shrugged her shoulders as the turned a corner. "I can't wait for you to have your first kiss, that way can talk about it," she said in a sing-song whisper, not wanting the wandering ears of other students to hear their conversation. Jieun began to do a mental scan through the list of boys she could choose from to do the deed with.

"What if it never happens?" she said, unable to think of any guy worth kissing.

"It'll happen, don't worry. You could always just do it with someone you know," Joo Hyun said, trying to comfort her friend. Jieun took this in as she glanced around the hall for anyone familiar. Hey, eyes landed on Yoongi, standing alone listening to his mp3. She crinkled her nose at the idea as he raised his head and made eye contact just to roll his eyes. Jieun just stuck out her tongue and made a fart noise in his direction, leaning in with her upper body to make a proper show of it. The girl felt annoyed as the boy brushed her off so she turned away and sped up to match her footing with Joohyun.

"As if," she said, now feeling grossed out by the suggestion.

• • •

The doorknob turned and finally, she could push the entryway open. Jieun stepped into the room and flicked on the light. The bed was made, posters of various pop groups hung on the walls, the carpet was spotless, nothing seemed out of place. Regardless, the girl had a feeling there was something so needed to do, something she needed to find. Jieun walked into the room and scanned all around for anything that might pop out at her. Yoongi leaned against the doorway and let his eyes wander as well.

"Is that her phone?" the boy said as he pushed himself off the wall and walked over to the nightstand. Jieun whipped her head around and watched him grab the device. She nearly ran over and snatched it out of his grasp. "It's locked," Yoongi said. Jieun didn't flinch as she typed in the numbers she used daily to unlock her own phone.

"We have the same passcode," Jieun said, letting herself fall on the bed as she clicked on the messenger app. Joohyun was the girl who perfected the art of sneaking cell phones from teachers desks due to her overuse of them. There is no way she would ever just "accidentally" leave it behind. This was a sign, a sign that Joohyun might be okay and this was all a part of some stupid plan. Yoongi sat next to the girl and leaned over her shoulder to watch the display as she tapped away.

"Who is this?" Jieun said out loud, unfamiliar with the contact whom Joohyun last texted. She clicked on the conversation and furred her brows.

"We'll be at the corner next to the gas station 'around noon," the contact said, dating back to Saturday, 11:35 am.

"Okay," was all Joohyun replied with a mere three minutes later. Those were the only interactions within the conversation.

"Do you know this number?" Jieun asked, to which Yoongi shook his head.

"Look at the area code, it's from out of town," he said.

"Does that mean they took her somewhere?"

"Probably. But it seems like she was willing to go," he said. Jieun nodded and tapped back to the list of all messages. The second most recent was Joohyun sending her a now false confirmation that they would meet up at the mall around two that afternoon.

"Why would she lie to me then?" Jieun whispered to herself. The third most recent thread was with someone saved as "Junnie" with two heart-eyed emojis on either side of the name. She clicked on it and felt a bit creepy reading the mushy messages.

"Who is that?" Yoongi asked.

"Kim Junmyeon. They've been a thing recently," Jieun answered. It seemed like Joohyun had been texting him just as much, if not more, than her. She scrolled through to older messages and stumbled upon something a bit cryptic.

"They'll message you tomorrow give a location"

"It'll be a white van"

"How creepy"

"Yeah"

"But really, don't get scared"

"You'll stay with them until everything is ready"

"How long?"

"A few days at most"

"It'll go down best on a weekday"

"Just trust me"

There was a good five minutes that passed without a reply.

"You trust me, right?"

Another few minutes passed.

"Babe"

"Yeah"

"Yeah what"

"Yeah I trust you"

From then on they switched to lighter topics, like school or how much they 'loved' one another.

"That nerd is in on it too?" Yoongi said. Jieun just kept scrolling further back into the conversation, hoping to find something that might make sense.