don't ☼ Caspar Lee fanfiction

Chapter 3 ♦

He had this special thing, she felt special around him. When she was with others, which was very often. She felt like everyone was laughing at her, she felt really alone. She felt not accepted. All those times she layed in her bed staring at the ceiling, throwing a little black ball against it. Like it would break. Sometimes there were broken pieces of glass on the ground, because she had another attack. Mad at herself for not being who she always wanted to be. Not even accepting herself, because others wouldn't either. Sometimes it all got her too much. The sleep deprivation, the scars, all the broken things. But she never let anyone know. She closed herself.

Years and years passed by and she went everywhere. She went to a tree with a rope in her bag. She went to the middle of a bridge. She went to the city to buy a new knife. She went to the lake. She went to the shop to buy her new pills. She went to the train rails. She went to the high flat building.

She wanted to travel another journey. But she didn't want to switch. Her journey was a dead end road. She didn't knew anymore what love as, nor what hope was. She just lived her life, day by day. You wouldn't say that this was living a life. Something always stopped her from being happy. Something never let her go. Something was making her realise, that in her dead end road, was a little way. She could either take that way, or stand and stare at the wall figuring out how to get over that wall. As she wanted to take that little way really bad. She just couldn't something hold her back. Something was controling her life and it made her feel like she was trapped in a cage.

Months passed after their first meeting on the flat roof. All those times they sat there, smoking circles. Drinking alcohol. Not talking, not moving and never they exchanged anything about themselves. She started to create a band with him. This band was never really clear for her. But he was on her mind more than there was nothing. All the times he came up with a new shitty joke and all the times he still managed to make her laugh, a little bit. All those times they sat there snuggled up watching the sun come up.

You would say that it was a kids dream, to see the sun come up with someone you love. This was different. They only talked about the most stupid things and never talked personally. You wouldn't say they loved each other.

Suddenly she started to realise, that he was that little way. She started to realise that he was that something. She never realised that the little way was standing right in front of her.

"Anything new?" His voice sounded different this night. "No, always the same riddle." "Why is everything so obvious?" They said at the same time, both quoting each other. She showed a broken smile. More than she could show. She let her head fall on his shoulder. 4 am at night and her eyes almost closed. "I'm Olivia." He looked at her, she was looking at the dark sea. The sea and air almost seamed one. It was weird but beautiful at the same time. She yawned and stretched her legs. She took her bag and stood up. "Nice to meet you." She turned around and walked to the flickering green emergency light. "Nice to meet you too, Liv."

As she walked down the stairs, a big smile appeared on her face. And this time it wasn't broken. Her thoughts went more crazy with every step downstairs. She finally came on the last step and opened the door. Once again she felt the little cold breeze down her spine. Slowly she walked to the park. She heared someone scream behind her. It was not far away. She turned around and saw him running to her. "Olivia! Olivia!!" When he finally got to her he catched some breathes. "Hey calm down, I'm here." She said rubbing his left arm gently. "I'm Caspar." "Nice to meet you, Casp."

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