Waking up in the early hours of the morning and being reminded of the hell hole you call life leaves you broken and unfixable. Darkness floods your mind and you think of everything that consists of death. Death haunts you. It runs through every part of your body and encourages you to do it, to end everything.
Inside your mind, you want to end it all, you feel like you've lived long enough in the harsh and dark world, but another part of your mind tells you not to, there is so much more to life than pain. But pain is all that is in your life.
All the hurt you feel, all the pain is worth it in the end. To have a happy ending you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. In your mind sometimes you don't want to get to the rainbow, you want to live in the storm and die in the storm. Pain is all you've felt through your life and you're not used to the good feelings that life has, so you'd rather die with the storm rather than away from it. It becomes your bestfriend rather than your enemy.
You spend countless hours staring blankly at a wall, the floor or out the window. Your face way be emotionless and your posture, but your eyes hold it all. Your mind is jumbled with emotions, thoughts and ideas.
Every single noise heard around you is just background noise. Your thoughts are louder than your surroundings. Maybe being around so much noise won't make you feel so alone, but in your mind you know that that's how it really is. Its reality and you can't change it. Your mind won't let you, that little voice inside your head tells you everyday. Your heart wants different, but the mind knows what it needs, or deserves.
The loud voices of Brian and Johnny arguing never stopped and to be honest, Lily was sick of hearing it. She may have zoned out as soon as she woke up but she could still hear them bickering at each other.
Throwing the covers off of her body, she bounded to her door and flung it open, charging down the stairs and stopping at the doorway of the living room.
"Will you two shut the fuck up! I am sick and tired of hearing you both bicker at each other for no goddamn reason at all. Its too damn early for this shit, I'm tired and I have a splitting headache so for once in your fucking life, shut the hell up and grow up!"
Everyone was surprised that Lily had actually spoken, but the fact that she raised her voice was a surprise to them all, not just them but her too.
"Brian started it" Johnny said and pointed at Brian.
Brian looked at him and glared while putting his hand on his chest and pushing him back as he fell onto the couch.
"I don't fucking care! Just shut up or get the hell out of here!" She growled at them all.
Johnny stayed on the couch and zoned out, he was mad at Brian and for the rest of the morning he ignored him. Brian huffed and stormed out to the back yard for a smoke, while Matt and Zacky continued to stare at Lily wide eyed.
"You can stop staring at me you know" She snapped at them.
They looked away from her and continued what they were doing. She went back to her room and slammed the door, letting them know she was mad.
Lily had tidied up her room a little and sprayed some Febreez to make it smell a little nicer too. She sat on the side of her bed and looked over at the photo of her and Jimmy together after her show in Vegas.
"I miss you so fucking much" she said as her eyes watered.
She put it back on the stand beside her bed and wiped her eyes. She had been so sick and tired of crying and it was draining, but she couldn't stop it.
Lily heard someone come upstairs and go into the room on the left next to hers, she knew it was Johnny because that's the room he always slept in and after a while he claimed it as his own.
