Poems/Creative Writing

Living Nightmare

I'm living a nightmare.

Constantly thinking I'm okay.

Too many sleepless nights going by.

It haunts me.

That I might be okay, but I'm really not.

Broken hearts, tear-filled eyes, trembling hands.

That's me.

That's all I am.

Days go by, no sign of you.

I spend my days thinking of you...

seeing if anyone will notice.

I spend my nights trying to forget.

A decade long nightmare,

a bad dream that I can't seem to wake up from.

Broken feelings, heaving chest, the inability to be whole.

That's who I am.

I'm trying to run away from the depression that is trying to cover me and swallow me whole,

but it's not working.

I'm trying to run away from the anxiety that fills me.

"What if you don't come back?

"What if you're gone?"

"Does he miss me?"

"He's not okay without you."

Or worse...

He's doing just fine.

I've spent the last couple of years trying to convince myself that you need me or miss me.

But what if you don't?

I'm trying to run away from everything.

Everything that has to do with you.

Everything to do with my mental state, because it's not stable, but I want to make you proud.

I try hard to get decent grades, I try to find escapes, but sometimes I just can't get over not seeing you, my father.

Please come home.