Poems/Creative Writing

Letter To You

Can we talk?
Or... Do you not want to?
Because I honestly can't tell with all these mixed signals.
Oh well. I'm going to talk anyways.
And you are going to listen.
Because you owe me that much.
Lately, I've been feeling like you stopped caring.
Like when we talk, you're digging your nails into your skin just to bare the conversation.
Like you just dig your nails deeper and deeper into yourself that blood starts oozing out of your body.
Please, if talking to me is that much torture for you, let me know so I can leave you alone.
I surely wouldn't want you to hurt yourself like you hurt me.
Countless times.
I don't know what I did wrong.
Did I love too hard?
Is the distance too much to handle for you to be my friend now?
Did my endless caring for you not do much for you anymore?
Obviously, or you'd still be talking to me.

Can we talk?
Or... Do you not want to?
Because I can't tell behind all of the meaningless, emotionless "I'm sorry's."
Your 'apologies' mean nothing to me.
I guess that's a little harsh for me to say.
It is.
For someone who stayed up with you all night after your boyfriend broke up with you.
For someone who was there to listen to your bitching about your parents.
For someone who helped you through your anxiety with your family.
For someone who was always there to give a confidence boost.
Now, I didn't mind helping.
I didn't mind being your shoulder to cry on.
I really didn't.
Until I came to you with something and I got a pat on the shoulder and an "I'm sorry".
Because either, my problems don't matter, and hey, maybe they don't, but with what you put me through, I was hoping for a little help.
Or you just don't care.
I know. I know.
I shouldn't assume those things.
I shouldn't expect someone to be there to help me.
Usually I don't.
But you're different.
Because you left.
And you didn't even try to spare my /already/ fragile heart.
So yeah.
Your apologies mean nothing to me.

Can we talk?
Or... Do you not want to?
Because I can't tell with the millions of times I've told you that blatantly ignoring my messages makes my anxiety fill my lungs and depression fill my brain.
But, you don't care, do you?
Because after all, I don't matter.
At least not to you.
And probably not to most people, but we aren't talking about everyone else.
We are talking about you.
But, for a long time, you were my 'everyone else'.
You were my world.
I only saw and cared about you.
I should have taken your ignoring as a clue and stopped trying.
It would have hurt less back then, I suppose.
But we all make mistakes.

Can we talk?
Or... Do you not want to?
Because I can't tell with the many changes you've endured.
With the not caring anymore, and not even just about me.
About everything.
With the not trying anymore.
You have changed so much, I don't think I even want to talk to you.
I don't want to associate myself with you.
It hurts too much.
You're ruining your own life.
I'm not too sure why.
Because you won't talk to me.
You never really did.
Truth be told, I'm worried about you.
If you're not even worried about yourself.
So, I don't know what to do.
You used to care about a lot of things.
You were a lively spirit.
You were so filled with love.
But now, you just seem...
Dead.
For lack of a better term.
Maybe you haven't noticed, but I have.
And I've noticed it for awhile.
And now, I just don't care.
It's too exhausting, and it's not like you'll listen to me anyways.
Why would you?
I don't matter...
Right?

Can we talk?
Or... Do you not want to?
Because I can't tell with your lack of interest in me.
I know. I know.
We aren't together, I shouldn't be the center of your attention.
I don't expect to be.
But I do expect a little interest.
Like you're actually there instead of talking to the robot you have become.
I guess that's expecting too much, right?
I guess asking for a little attention is kind of redundant.
Because you don't care.
So why am I bitching about this?
Because you used to care.
And you promised you wouldn't stop.
You promised you would always be there.
You promised you would always love me.
You promised you would never leave.
But you left.
Like most people do.
But now everyone else has to heal me from the damage you've done.
Because I can't do it alone.
I can't do a lot of things now without thinking about you.
The old you.
I can no longer listen to certain songs.
I can't watch certain shows without thinking of you.
Hell, I can't think about dolphins without thinking about you.
I can't do anything because there's always a voice in the back of my head that whispers your name.
I can't forget about you no matter how hard I try.
Honestly, I wish I never met you.
I'd be better off that way.

Can we talk?
Or... Do you not want to?
I guess I'll never know the answer.
Because you won't even try anymore.
So, I guess this is goodbye.
At least for now.
Until you can show me I matter.
Until then, I'll spend my time talking to people that actually care.
Goodbye.

Sincerely yours,

Karley