A little too little ✔️

Chapter 4

What's the strangest about all of this is him. I feel like a piece is missing, he just left too fast. It was all so quick and I love him and I know he loves me back. I swear he does. I saw the adoration in his eyes on our first date. I heard the fondness in his voice when we said our first I love yous. I knew it when he said I do. I felt it when I said so too. Believe me, I did. I love him. I know he reciprocates too. I just lost him for one day, and that made me lose him forever.

It was a bad day since the beginning. Despite the fact that he and I have been going through a rough patch with his nightmares resurfacing, my job has been giving me a headache. That day I was supposed to get home early and cook for us a romantic dinner that could make us relax. I wanted us to drift into a world where our troubles didn't matter anymore. It was really difficult setting everything up, for achieving a utopian environment had me all over our wedding boxes, trying to recreate the dinner of our lives.

You see, he really was going through a hard time. He was staying up at nights because he was afraid of his dreams, and he couldn't even look me directly in the eye for about a month. I didn't care though, because it was us. It was him and I, and god knows we broke through so much worse. Him, though, he was the strongest person I knew. How he handled his problems showed me that he was fierce. How he handled me, and how he went on with his life despite the childhood he experienced; it all showed me how strong he could be.

I set up the last of the cutlery on the table, and sat down in my lavish silk gown. I had put on perfume and his gift of earrings. I looked alright, still I felt that something was going horribly wrong. Nothing was out of order within eyesight though, the food was still hot due to the cloche. It was his favorite dish: a risotto with an abundance of mushrooms. So what is it? I wondered. Little did I know that the rest of that night was the worst that I've ever endured.

What pains me the most out of all of this is probably that I didn't expect it. I was too blind to see the signs. You see, it wasn't supposed to be like that. He was my forever, and I was his. We were supposed to have a future with children that had his brownish hair and my blueberry eyes. We were supposed to lean on each other the way we were supposed to lean on the family we couldn't have. We were each other's family. And now, I have none again.

He came back home late that day. He looked tired and a little scared. I've never seen him look scared. It scared me for a second until I remembered it's probably the lack of sleep messing with his head. Moments later, he came into the living room and looked disappointed to see the dinner. It's just the exhaustion I reminded myself as I smiled at him. He still couldn't look at me. He took his seat at the other end of the table and said four words that I wish weren't a part of the English vocabulary: "We need to talk."