April 25
Kiana Brown
A week later
Home.
"Yes daddy!"
I screamed loudly before I came hard. I collapsed on my bed and tried to catch my breath. Carmelo laid on top of me kissing down my neck slowly. I eased up a bit and got up from the bed. I walked over to the closet and wrapped my robe around my body.
"Why you get up? Come lay in bed with me." Carmelo sat up causing me to laugh.
"For what? We fucked already. I mean there's nothing else you need from me is there?"
He frowned, "Man, why you keep doing that?"
"Doing what?" I asked confused.
"Every time we fuck you always get up and make me leave. I mean you can't just lay here with me for a while? I don't be wanting to let you go afterwards." He said and I kept on laughing.
"Yeah right." I scoffed, "I know what we got going on. We're simply just enjoying each other. We haven't made anything official."
"What if I want us to be official?"
I waved him off pulling my hair from the ponytail. I stood in my closet pulling out clothes to wear to my therapy session. I had to be there in about an hour and still haven't got my shit together. I just had to get my other type of therapy from Carmelo first.
I gasped feeling hands wrap around my waist.
"Carmelo—"
"How about you, me, and your son go out this friday? It would be fun and we could finally move forward from this stage we're in."
"No." I stated simply, "Kree doesn't need to meet you. The only man in his life is his dad."
"And Roman." Carmelo said as he let go of me, "Like why you acting like this? All I want is for us to be with each other. How is that hard for you Kiana?"
I sighed, "Can you just go? I mean I have to be somewhere in an hour."
Carmelo shook his head throwing his clothes on. I watched him snatch his stuff and exit my bedroom. He stomped down the stairs and I could hear the door slam shut. I shook my head and turned around making my way to the shower.
~~~
Therapy Session
~~~
"So, Kiana, you've told me about how you've experienced being taken advantage of at only the age of sixteen. After that happened, how did you cope with it?"
I shrugged, "I don't know. I think I just pushed the thoughts in the back of my mind. Eventually I let it go."
"Let it go?" Dr. Angus asked looking up from her notepad, "How do you let something as traumatizing as that go so easily?"
"Because I did. Can't really explain it."
She nodded before jotting something down in her notepad again.
"We'll move on, let's get on your mental health recently. You told me you fell into depression last week right?"
I nodded.
"What caused that? Like what made you feel like that a week ago?" She asked fixing her skirt before I spoke.
I swallowed hard, "My baby daddy had this bit—I mean woman playing house with my son. She was being disrespectful to me and that's when we got into it. She put her hands on me and honestly I just remember pulling a gun on her."
"Mhm," She nodded, "What exactly did the woman say? What did she say that was so disrespectful?"
"She said that basically I ain't have no home training. Basically calling me ghetto and ratchet in my opinion. Then my baby daddy just stood there. He was taking up for her like she wasn't talking shit about me in my own house! That was bitch move to me and I can't respect him for that." I shook my head as I got angry.
"Kiana, put yourself in his shoes for me real quick. If you was him, and you had your baby mama and girl going back and forth who would you take up for?"
"My babymama of course."
"Mhm." She jotted down notes, "Now, put yourself in his girl shoes, if you going back and forth with his babymama and he's standing there letting his babymama disrespect you how would you feel?"
"I'd be pissed." I sat up, "You get her in check before you—oh."
I paused realizing what I was saying out my mouth. Was I really about to sit here and sympathize with a how you playing house with my kid? No.
"See," Dr. Angus smiled, "You don't even realize that you feel for his girlfriend."
"Whatever." I rolled my eyes.
She sighed, "Kiana you didn't fall into depression because you felt disrespected. You fell in because you felt guilty, and jealous of what you seen."
"Elaborate." I crossed my legs.
"You saw you son, and his father and another woman. You basically saw something that you felt like you should be. You saw what looked like a happy family, and it caused you to react in a way of such. You feel like she's taking your place not only as a mother, but as a wife and much more."
I stared at the wall letting her words crash into me. There's no way she can tell me how the fuck I'm feeling.
"Not true." I shook my head.
"You need to let go of the past Kiana, that's what's stopping you from moving forward. You might not be over your child's father—"
"I am too!" I sat up, "I lost contact with him and lived my life happy as hell without him for six years!"
"Exactly." She nodded, "You was able to let go of him because he wasn't around you nor communicating with you. When he showed up, and correct me if I'm wrong, did you not feel some type of way?"
"I didn't." I shrugged, "I let my son go with him and everything. His presence doesn't make me feel any type of way."
"But his girlfriend presence does huh?" She chuckled, "Kiana as long as you knew he wasn't dating you was fine. When you found out a woman was in the picture, it started a spark of rage that just doesn't seem to calm. You're jealous of the fact that he's moved on from you."
"Please," I scoffed, "He hasn't moved on from me. I'm probably still on his mind all day everyday."
"But what if you weren't? What if his new girl is on his mind all day everyday?"
I stared at Dr. Angus quietly for a while. She stared back at me and I cut my eyes to the floor. She was making my body feel weird, and to be honest I didn't like the feeling. As much as I wanted to deny it, I just couldn't anymore.
"Then I'd be hurt." I teared up, "Its basically telling me that he doesn't care about me."
"Nope, not true. Its saying that he's moved on for the better. You need to do the same Kiana. You can't walk around carrying the burden of him on your back. Eventually, he's gone have your mind locked up and you're gonna go crazy." She said as she handed me a tissue.
I wiped my tears, "So what are you suggesting I do?"
"This seems like a conversation that you need to have with him. You both need to sit down as adults with no one else around and talk your problems out. Only he knows how he feels and you know how you're feeling inside. If you sit down and let each other know, then maybe you guys could get an understanding for the both of you and your son."
I nodded, "Okay."
I grabbed another tissue and wiped my face. I didn't expect to cry today but she hit some soft spots. Maybe she's right about this whole sitch. I just need to get Draco alone so we could both talk and have ourselves a heart to heart.
