The pendulum clock chimed twelve times, interrupting the deafening silence that had been lingering in the dinghy study. I shot a furtive glance sideways from my 500 – page novel. From the corner of my eye, in the dim hue of the tangerine light bulb, I could make out the silhouette of a hand. Slowly and stealthily, reaching into the depths of the ginger canvas pouch, that had been tossed unceremoniously at the side of the desk. I pulled my brows to a fleeting frown as I let the flame of chagrin slowly rise in me. As I glanced up at the ebony eyes which emitted an aura of nonchalance, then down at the hunched torso that was slumped on the dog – eared exercise book, I was not entirely impressed.
As a matter of fact, not at all, as always.
“Sian!” There was and edge to my voice as I tried my very best to keep my tone level. He nearly jumped as his hand shot back onto the table and he hurriedly straightened up. I cast a skeptical look at the unsuspecting pouch, as if it was a time bomb, “Why do you reach into your bag just now?”
A pair of eyes, reflecting an air of defiance, met mine. For a split second before it swiveled away quickly.
“Answer me,” I lowered my voice to a dangerously soft whisper, my eyes fixated on his closely, “What are you trying to take out? What is it that requires your hand to move in such a manner?” There was a long fidgety silence as his other hand toyed with the fountain pen, while he continued to avoid my stare. I shifted my gaze to the pouch, then back at him.
“Very well,” I said silkily, and before he could react, I seized the bag and fumbled in the darkness. My fingers ran across a familiarly smooth varnished surface and I immediately fished it out, to find the vibrant image of some Korean pop star smiling back at me. I pursed my lips as I turned the pouch upside down, and out came several similar magazines, dropping onto the table with a loud thud that reverberated across the cemented walls. I drew in my breath with a hiss, making no effort to hide my disdain as I loosened my grip on the moth eaten canvas. It fell onto the haphazard pile of magazines, as limp as a rag doll. I cast a questioning glare at him. He lowered his head, an indignant look in his eyes.
A preternatural silence fell upon the room.
“Tell me, why?” I finally whispered, looking intently at him, “Why are you doing this?”
He made no reply, and that awkward silence grated on my nerves.
“I am asking WHY?!” I finally lost my cool, letting my anger rise in my voice, “Why won’t you ever learn? Even after all that had befallen on you? We encouraged you, we took turns to coach you, we’ve tried our very best to help you. And what had you done in the end? Truancy, getting into fights, failing your exams,making it into the blacklist… And what is this?!” I narrowed my eyes cynically at the atrocious handwriting, “1/7 plus 1/6 equals to 1/13? How many times must I tell you to make the denominator the same before adding the fractions? For goodness sake, GROW UP!!!!” I screamed with frustration at the back of my throat. I had not a single idea the reason of me flying off the handle; it seemed that I was possessed. Probably by sheer disappointment. Not only on him, but on myself as well. He was from an elite school, he should have been worth his placing. I am in the so called “best class”, I should have performed well enough to prove my existence among the intellectually gifted.
Yet I had not. We are not.
After a lengthy pause, he slowly lifted his head. His eyes were reddened and swollen. Wistfulness, stark and vivid, glittered in them.
“Do you think I ever wanted to be like that?” he choked unthinkingly, his voice quavering, “I‘ve tried many times, but I just don’t have it, the teachers said I’m rubbish, many people isolated me, then slowly Grandma and all the grown ups began to chastise me, you’ve seen it all,” he clamped his lip for a moment, trying to hold back his tears, “Now even you scold me as well. I know all about your trophies and leadership positions, but so what? I’m different from you. Not many people can attend so many prize presentation ceremonies in their lives…” his voice faltered as he broke down into quiet sobs.
