My Mate, My Luna

Ch. 53 Forgiveness is a fickle beast

A / N: Happy Monday everyone! 

Not much to say on this one, I think it the end feels just. How about you?

Two more chapters to go after this as I wrap up Allison and Tate's story.

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Allison

The next few days were difficult to say the least. Tim and I danced around each other as we tried to figure out how our relationship was going to work going forward. We needed to develop a new normal, which was even more difficult because neither of us new what that was going to look like because we still were not sure how everything was going to play out.

At one point we had called Tate and spoke to him about living arrangements for when we went out there. It was decided that Tim would take my childhood home, which had been renovated and brought back to code as part of the new pack improvements that Tate had spearheaded with Mark and Luke. Tate said that he had another house for me and the pups. It was about halfway between the pack house, where he was living and my childhood home.

Tate had also told us that there was no need to pack any furniture, just the necessities that we would need, that he was going to take care of the furnishings for both homes for us. I was rather impressed at how generous Tate was being, but I had a feeling that it was a bit selfish on his part to be offering so much. He wanted the pups and I near him again, so I knew he would be willing to do anything he needed to get us there.

As I was starting to pack the kids clothes and toys that I knew they just could not live without I was starting to get more and more frustrated with everything. The more time I had to think and gnaw on all of it, I was becoming irritated. Maybe I was not as independent as I thought I was. Maybe I did rely on people too much. Finally, in Georgia I took a stand and confronted everyone, but now here I was doing exactly what I was told, everyone else guiding me in the direction that they wanted me to go.

Having the pups, my hands were kind of tied. There was no way to just uproot them and take them with me on a whim, they needed structure, they needed their packs. Well, in this case packs because Tim said he would be transferring between packs by spending some vacations and summers here.

I was lost in my own thoughts as I continued packing when Tim startedled me, "The pack meeting is tonight."

"Spirit?" I replied, sounding as frustrated as I was. I refused to hide it; I was just too mentally frayed to even try.

"What's wrong, Nemo?" It kind of broke my heart to hear Tim call me Nemo. It was the name he had given to me the first day that we met and had become his term of endearment over the last few years. To me it all kind of felt fake now and I was not sure how to handle it.

Taking a deep breath, pushing down the raw emotions that were begging to be released I answered, "Everything. I feel like a failure, a pushover. Maybe what McKenna said was true, maybe I do need to be protected. It just seems like I rush from one thing to the next. I did that with you, I left Tate and ran right to you. Look at where it got us. " I put my hands in the air as if to tell him to look around, I had bags and boxes all over the room.

Tim came over and wrapped me in a hug, the first real connection we had had since returning from Georgia. The familiarity of his arms around me felt comforting, I had missed it. "Tim, everyone makes decisions for me. At least that is how it feels. Tate, Kimber, McKenna, even you. I know you're pushing for us to move to Tate's pack is the right thing, but I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Honestly, I do not even know if I want it. "