Throwing Caution to the Wind

Chapter 30

When Peter woke up Tony told him that they needed to talk about a few things.

Thats how they found themselved sat in the same couches they were in earlier. Peter fidgeting nervously with the cords of his hoodie.

Tony took a deep breath.

"Kid, first off, there's nothing wrong with the way you acted earlier. You weren't screaming or yelling or being disrespectful. And even if you had been, it would have been okay considering the circumstances," Tony started.

"I know that," Peter said forgetting his nerves and sounding mildly annoyed.

"Then why do you look like I'm about to read you the riot act," Tony asked.

"Oh...," Peter said not wanting to explain himself.

"Yeah, oh. Kid, I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, but we need to talk about it,' Tony said gently.

"I guess," Peter mumbled.

"If you don't talk about it, we can't help you. And we want to help your we want it be there for you," Tony said.

Peter didn't want help. If he accepted help it would mean accepting that there was a problem.

But he knew he needed to talk about it. He's know it for a while if he was honest with himself. He just needed a push.

"I guess I've just been feeling really stressed and anxious since Ben died. I, I got these powers and I knew from the beginning that I had to do something with them. I didn't know what though at the time. And then he died, and I realized what," Peter started.

"But I was too late, he's dead and I could have done something about but I didn't and is he's six feet under," he said bitterly.

"You were 13 at the time, you were allowed, and still are allowed to be a kid still," Mr Stark cut in.

"When you do the things I can do, but don't, it's your fault when people get hurt," Peter said somberly.

Tony was at at a loss for words. In a way, Peter was absolutely right, that when you have the power got stop things, you should. One of the many reasons he stopped manafacturing weapons. But at the same time he was a child. If he were to try to enlist in the army, he'd be turned away because if his age. If he tried to get a job with local law enforcement, he would be told that he was too young to even be a receptionist.

"You can't save everyone. That's the sad truth that all heroes eventually learn. Especially your everyday heroes like doctors, paramedics firefighters and police. As much as they want to have everyone come out alive, it isn't always possible. The important thing is that they give their all.

And that's what you do every day. I'm proud of the person I've gotten to know these past few months. And I'm excited to see what kind of person you become. But you'll never get there if you don't learn how to take care of yourself. Your body has a limit, a limit much higher than the average persons sure, but it has a limit nonetheless," Tony told Peter. About halfway through his speech he had moved to come sit next to him.

Peter leaned into his warmth, he felt safe there. It felt like home. They hadn't know each other for very long. But they knew each other well enough that Peter knew that Mr Stark cared for him. That he wanted to be there for Peter the way that no one had been there for him.

"Maybe you're right," he admitted.

"How generous, I got a maybe," Tony's said with a bit of sarcasm.

"It's easier to care about other people, if something is difficult, you can walk away for a bit and come back with a clear head. Or not come back at all. If it's you though, then the problem will haunt you no matter what you're doing. It'll probably affect you everyday until it's solved, and even then the memories will make sure you never escape," Peter said shame washing through him. He had never admitted it out loud before. It wasn't that he was using other people per se, it was just that he would rather carry their burdens than his own. He kept his own problems tucked away deep inside him.

"You need to work on yourself too Pete. If you don't one day you're going to fall down. And once you fall from a height like that, you won't be able to get up again," Tony said gently.

"It hasn't happened yet though," Peter protested weakly.

"You've been getting lucky so far. But what you're doing right now won't be good for you in the long run, you're gonna run yourself ragged like this. You need to be able to talk about your problems. It's for the best, I promise," Mr Stark said firmly.

"Yeah, I guess," Peter conceded.

After that the two spent the day talking about how Peter could best manage his feelings and problems. There were 2 things that Mr Stark really made sure to emphasize. That Peter should always talk to someone whenever he was feels stressed, and even when he wasn't. Mr Stark made sure to tell him that he was always available and that even if he disturbed some really important work, that he would make time for him. And second that Peter was still a kid and he was allowed to be a kid and have kid problems.

"I don't want you missing out on childhood then regretting it later," he had explained when he told him this.

Finally in the afternoon once they finished lunch, Tony let Peter back in the lab.

He was in his element from there. He was helping Tony with the Ironman suit. Tony had given him the arm of a prototype that never made it into the current suit to mess around with.

The inside of the arm had been a mess of wires and he had had to spend the better part of 3 weeks cleaning up the inside. On the brightside though he had learned what all the wires did and where they connected too as well as what type of wire that was used where.

He tinkered away being careful because even if the arm was off, any amount of even static electricity could set it off. It was a very delicate system designed to amplify the smallest amounts of power.

He saw himself in the prototype. It wasn't finished yet. It still needed work. He had just cleaned up the wires, he had realigned them and learned more about them so that he could prevent them from going breaking again. The fine-tuning stage wasn't even close. But the idea was there. But the most important things about it would be found in the final product. The things that would be needed time and time again wouldn't go anywhere. The final product, much like the prototype would need maintenance done on it. It would need constant fixing and upgrades.

Just like him. He was still growing and learning. He wouldn't be the same person in 10 years that he was today. But all his defining features would stand the test of time. The wires he just cleaned out were all his feelings. He understood them better now. He knew what to do if they got too much again. But they were important. He couldn't just ignore them and pretend that they didn't exist. If he did, he might just explode in the worst possible way. He would make himself useless, damaged beyond repair. But he could prevent it. He just had to learn that getting help was the best way to help himself. That he didn't need to the one helping everyone else.

He needed to learn to help himself before helping other people.

Looking at the arm, Peter felt more at peace than he had in a while. He felt like he finally understood a part of him that he had never known exited.

He knew now that there was nothing wrong with being a bit rough around the edges, the important thing was that he made sure there weren't any cracks there. That he would still be whole. That his breaks made his story unique. That they helped tell his story. That his cracks made him unique.

The arm wasn't broken, it just wasn't finished.

He wasn't less of a hero, he just needed more time. He just needed to learn more about who he was so he could be of best help to the city.

He smiled. The road to recovery would be long for him, but it was a journey he was looking forward too.