Deja Vu- (Kissing Booth fanfiction)

Chapter 6

Elle's POV

The flashing pulse of the passing street lights penetrate my closed eyelids- a steady visual beat to accompany the melody of the car's wheels on the pavement.  My eyes are closed because I cannot keep them open.  But I cannot sleep.  Not even exhaustion can claim victory over my mind, which spins as fast as the wheels.  This morning feels as distant as our destination. One is hundreds of miles in the past, the other still hundreds of miles away down a highway where we can see only as far as the headlights shine.  Even in the dark with my eyes shut I can see one thing in sharp detail - the ring that feels so foreign on my left hand, foreign yet familiar because I have known it all my life.  

I am going to marry Noah.  Be his wife.  A destination unbelievable to my mind and inevitable in my heart.  Over the rhythm of the road I can hear my blood rushing into its chambers - still making it race, despite its poison.  I cannot name the feeling that opened the gates, only that they are gaping wide and allowing a flood to wash over me so deep I might stall in its depths.  I cannot think, the sound of its pulse is too loud in my ears.  My sickly blood roars with strength, and it will carry me where it will. I am only a passenger.  

Through the torrent in my head and heart I hear voices. Noah's voice.  Lee's voice.  From the front seat of their parent's SUV.  Stretched across the back seat in a futile attempt to rest, three hastily packed bags behind me, I pretend to sleep in order to silence their constant urging to do so.  My performance must be convincing as they are now speaking for the first time in hours. 

"Do you want me to drive?" Lee offers.

"No - it distracts me."

"So you are a distracted driver then?  Now I'm going to have to insist you pull over."

A small chuckle from the man behind the wheel.  I silently thank Lee for the levity.  

"No way - you are just trying to hog the distraction for yourself."

Another chuckle. "You speak the truth.  Well if you won't let me drive can I at least turn on the radio? Seriously I need something - we have another 150 miles to go."

"Sorry, no - Elle is finally asleep and I don't want her to wake up.  We'll just have to play telephone and whisper to each other until San Francisco."

"We don't communicate well at full volume, you realize..."

"Consider it a chance to practice - we are going to need to do better if we are going to tag team Elle from now on."

"Agreed."  Was Lee already playing the game? I could barely hear him. 

"What about school? What are you going to do?"

"See if I can set up something remotely.  The assignments and tests are easy enough to email in - the hard part will be getting the lecture material.  I'm going to see if there is anyway to get a live stream or a video.  I can't be the first person who had a family emergency half-way through the semester- maybe the school has a system already in place to help.  What about you?"

"Same. I'm so close to graduation, I'm hoping the profs will work with me. I don't know how I'm going to concentrate though. Maybe it can be my distraction when we stop driving."

"Obviously I don't know for sure, but I would guess that there will be a lot of down time during her treatment - I'm thinking writing a paper might be better than roaming the halls."

"I guess we will find out soon enough. School is not really my priority. Once we get her settled I'm heading out to get the marriage license and find an officiant."

"Why the rush? I thought Dad took care of a the legal stuff so you can be in on all the medical decisions."

"That's not why I proposed and not why I want to get married."

"I know that, but then why does it have to be tomorrow?  Give it some time, see how the treatment goes."

A pause. I strain to hear without rolling off the seat

"No.  I can't wait.  We waited four years.  I will only wait until her dad, Brad and Mom and Dad get up to San Francisco."

"Is Elle on board with this?"

Another pause. I am now very much awake, waiting to hear if there is any truth in Noah's response.

"I don't know. We haven't had any time to discuss it.  I'm hoping it won't take much to convince her."

I can see Lee's eyes rolling through the back of his head.  "Convince Elle to do something she doesn't want to?  Good luck with that."

"Who says she won't want to get married right away?"

"I'm not saying she won't.  But that is a lot of pressure - are you sure it might not be more harmful than helpful?"

"I would never do anything to hurt Elle. But I need us to be married."

"I hate to state the obvious but that sounds slightly selfish."

"Maybe.  But it is the truth. I need to be tied to her in that way. Right now I feel like we are driving directly toward a 40 foot wave. I can see it coming but I can't turn, I can't reverse. The wave will break on us, and the undertow will pull us under.  But if we are tied together we can help each other find our way to the surface. It is selfish. She is as much my lifeline as I am hers."

"And if the line snaps?" Lee whispers.

"Then we may both drown."

I realize it has been over 2 years but I am ready to finish this story.  As I mentioned in a comment, I am the parent of a child with serious special needs and that has taken priority over writing.  I appreciate your patience and all the kind comments I have received encouraging me - and now would like to finish what I started.  This chapter may be a slightly slow start, but it is a start and I do have a plan so things will get more exciting beginning in the next chapter.  Thanks a lot!