Invasion

Chapter 21: Stars

    "Hey...Stargazing Boy."
    I looked out across the lawn and saw NamJoon lying on his back in the grass. "What are you doing out there?" I called, my voice carried on a soft breeze.
    "Come out here," was his only answer, and I left the terrace behind to walk out to him. When I got near him, I saw that he looked soft and comfortable, wearing pajama pants with little koala bears on them and a t-shirt. He motioned me to come closer and I knelt in the grass at his side.
    "The stars are out tonight."
    "Yeah. Is that what you're doing out here?" I asked, tipping my head back to look up at the sky, still finding it a little disconcerting that he was lying on the ground.
    "I used to have a big telescope. I think they got rid of it when they made the arts and crafts room."
    "Why do you have an arts and crafts room?" I asked, looking back down at him.
    He reached for my hand, clasping it lightly in his fingers and setting it on his stomach before using his free hand to pillow his head. "One of the maids brought in this picture frame that she'd made and I complimented it. The next thing I knew I had an arts and crafts room. I've never even been in it, what am I going to make with a bunch of beads and glitter? But the servants are always trying to be a step ahead of me and keep me entertained."
    I shook my head. "That's crazy."
    "They've done that sort of thing since I was a kid." He glanced up at me. "You could make something."
    "What would I make?"
    "You could make me a Valentine's Day card. With a lot of glitter on it," he suggested.
    "It's May."
    "So you've got plenty of time to work on your design."
    I sighed. This was my NamJoon. He was the arrogant, callous high school student. He was the commanding and decisive new CEO. But this one was just for me, the goofy one wearing koala bear jammies with the questionable sense of humor. I turned my hand and tightened my fingers on his. Just because it felt good.
    "Did you have fun shopping?" he asked.
    "Yeah," I let more words pass my lips, thoughts that I would normally have kept to myself. "It was strange to be able to spend money without worrying about it, to just buy whatever I wanted. I bought some things for my family."
    "I missed you." I looked over and his eyes caught mine. "When I came back home and you weren't here, it didn't feel right."
    "I-- I'll keep that in mind. I'll try not to stay out late again," I said, feeling a little breathless, his words and nearness beginning to have an effect.
    "No. I'm not trying to stop you from doing the things you want to do. I just want you to know how much I care, how much I need you."
    I nodded. His words didn't make me anxious or afraid, they made me feel...safe.
    "YoonGi, I know this is all really hard for you and I'm doing my best to understand. I want you to know that I'm here in any way that you need to help you put things back together." His fingers squeezed mine, cool and comforting. "Just... whatever you need, I want to give it to you."
    "I'm not going to try to pick up the pieces anymore." I watched as his mouth twisted into a frown, concern flaring in his eyes. "I thought about it and...the solution is to move forward and create new pieces, a new future. Looking back and trying to hold onto the past...just isn't going to work."
    "That makes a lot of sense." His face relaxed, but his eyes held mine. "We're both facing futures that weren't what we planned. I want to be your support and I hope that you can be mine."
    "I...think I'm probably in love with you," I finally admitted, the words coming out on a puff of air that felt as if it had been trapped in my chest for eons.
    He chuckled. "Probably? You've loved me from the very beginning. From the first moment. I know because I've loved you, too. But what does love look like if you weren't searching for it, if you don't get to know one another, if you don't follow the normal route of dates and romance? It looked like a fascination with your taste and your body. You were my A Doua Inima, my soulmate, and I thought you were just a delicious meal and a pretty face."
    "It's like an invasion." The words made my heart squeeze, but it felt good to get them out. Right. Freeing. "Like I'm losing myself and being taken over. It's terrifying."
    "Don't be afraid. You've taken over me, too. All I ever think about is you and your happiness. What can I do in this moment to protect YoonGi's happiness? To secure our future. I'm not afraid of it, it's making me stronger, making me a better person." He sat up, his free hand going to my shoulder, his eyes steady and warm.
    "I'll do that. I'll try to let it make me a better person. Try to let it take me further than I'd ever imagined myself going. That sounds so much better than fighting it." Things were releasing inside of me, great jagged pieces of fear, denial, pain, uncertainty and more, all breaking loose and falling down. Tears gathered in my eyes as everything collected into a great, agonizing wave and then crashed down, flowing out of me, releasing into the night air.
    NamJoon wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his chest.
    "So, say it again. Tell me you love me, without the 'probably'."
    My breath caught in my throat, the words trapped on my tongue. It was the final brick waiting to be dislodged, the last of my defenses and worries, my resistance and my hesitation. I'd be left completely bared to him, vulnerable. I'd have to trust in him, trust in us.
    I buried my face in his shoulder. "I love you. Don't make me regret it. I love you."