Gamble For Love

Chapter 5: Thrill

Chapter five: Thrill (Ellie's POV)

I walked back inside, rolling my eyes to myself. 

Why the hell was he just staring at me? Weirdo. 

"Night!" I called out to my parents while jogging up the stairs and up to my room. I walked in, my blinds were still open but he wasn't in his room yet. I grabbed my phone and rang Ashley. 

"Hey," she sang. 

"Hey," I sighed while lying on the bed. 

"What's up?" she asked. 

"Nothing, you?" I asked. 

"Nathan came over earlier, he left after dinner," she said. I've always had my suspicions about them but I didn't want to say anything. "Have you spoken to Zach yet?" she questioned. 

"Kind of but not really, it was like ten seconds worth, if you can call that a conversation then..." I trailed off. 

"Hmm," she hummed in response, "Do you think you two will start talking again?" she asked. 

"Honestly, yeah, but not any time soon," I answered. 

"Do you think he knows about James?" she questioned. 

"Why would he know about James? The guys aren't gonna tell him," I replied. 

"Yeah but they might have," she retorted. 

"You think Brett would do that?" I said in doubt. 

"No, but the other two might blurt it out," she cleared her throat. 

"I don't think it matters," I shrugged it off, lying blatantly through the skin of my teeth. 

"Ellie," she said knowingly, "You can't lie to me." 

I huffed, "I know but I just- I've tried so hard to just forget about everything that happened, but I just can't move past it." I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. 

"It's understandable, you were incredibly hurt, it was like your first heartbreak, romantically at least, but don't you think it's time to move on?" she said. 

"What do you mean?" I thought out loud. 

"I mean, it's been a while since it happened and I just think that you have to move on. You know what they say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone, now, I'm not telling you to get under someone, but just keep your options open and put yourself out there. You never know who you'll find," she explained. 

Hearing it at first, it didn't sound like a bad idea at all, but knowing what I went through the first time and just the thought of going through anything remotely similar all over again is just so dreadful. 

Maybe I'm just sensitive and I took the cheating harder than someone else would, but just imagine, your first boyfriend, the first guy who you trust enough to open up to, even though he wasn't that person for me, I wanted it to be someone else. But you open up to them, they lie straight to your face and then go behind your back and cheat on you. 

It's disrespectful, it's rude, it's hurtful, and it's very heartbreaking. It makes you doubt yourself, your actions and it makes you feel worthless. I don't want to feel like that ever again, especially if I'm not over it in the first place. 

"I don't think that's a good idea," I sighed. 

"Why not? Elle, you might even find someone who can treat you better than James ever could have. I mean come on, your life has been the same throughout, I've known you forever. You can't lock yourself away because of one stupid boy. Don't you want something exciting? Don't you want to find a thrill in something?" she rambled.