Guards Down in Manila (Nursing Series #1)

Chapter 03

"Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking." 

I strum my guitar aggressively just like how the tone should be.

"And I'm dying to know, is it killing you like it's killing me yeah."

I stopped midway and sighed. Binaba ko ang guitar na hawak at nakapangalumbabang tumulala sa pader sa kwarto ko sa dorm. Gabi na at ito ako ngayon sa loob ng kwarto because of what I heard from Lyn earlier before we parted ways. Sana mali siya ng dinig, sana hindi totoo. I can't afford to have him in sight yet.

I just realized that among all Taylor Swift's songs, itong kanta na ito ang best song to describe my situation right now. It's odd that I perfectly relate to this one.

It is all rooted in a simple complication and lack of communication, and now ito at hindi pa rin ako makapag move forward from France. I hate to say this, but it seems like I'm the only one left drowning while he is picking up pieces of another girl.

Kinurot ko ang kamay ko to stop myself from crying again. "It's not worth the tears, Chelle. Get yourself together."

"Chelle?" 

Nagising ako mula sa malalim na pag-iisip mula sa tawag ni Misha mula sa labas, I told her to come inside as I was fixing myself from an almost breakdown session.

"Is this yours? I found it outside kasi. George does not like sketching at all – aah the perfect thing to say is, she actually can't draw." She is holding a sketchpad in her right hand.

"Yes, that's mine." Tumayo ako at excited na pumunta sa harapan niya. "Thank God you found it, I can't lose this one. I'm very sentimental." I laughed.

"I was about to put it in the trash bin."

Natawa kami at kinuha ko ito sa kamay niya. This one is really important to me. I mean, I have a bunch of sketchpads because I somehow like sketching, it helps me cope. But this one is kind of different, this one is filled with memories with ... him.

"You're extremely good, Chelle. Sorry pinakielaman ko."

Misha said while wearing a suspicious grin on her face. I thought she already left.

I told Misha that it was fine, although I'm kind of embarrassed because most of the sketches here have a short text. That is how I get when I'm in love I guess.

"Did you see it?" I asked, embarrassed. 

"Yes," Natatawa ito, mas lalo akong nahiya. "You're in love, ahuh. Who's the lucky guy? Hmm, your sketchpad is filled with sketches of him." 

She sat on my bed and positioned herself as if she is about to be told again about her favorite tale. Twinkling eyes looking at me, waiting for some response.

"Ah," I don't know what to say. "He's ... not that guy anymore." 

"What do you mean?"

I was having a hard time looking for some words to say, I'm kind of not comfortable talking about him yet honestly. It has been 2 months, yes, but it's still fresh to me. 

"Oh, are you uncomfortable talking about this topic?"

Na-guilty naman ako nang makita na nahiya si Misha nang marealized iyon. I sighed and sat down beside her on the bed, finally decided to tell her about my "almost love story." It won't hurt, I guess? Gusto ko rin may malaman siya about sa akin at least. I want to build a good relationship with her too.

"That guy in most of my sketches in my sketchpad courted me for 5 months." 

Panimula ko. Umayos siya ng upo at binigyan ako ng buong atensiyon.