time ; diego hargreeves

7 ; the aftermath

Alex threw up.

"Fuckin' hell," he muttered, then gagged.

Ever since Alex had ... been with Isaias, he had felt sick. He knew it was because he felt that he had betrayed Diego in some way. He didn't know what to do about it; he knew he was screwed. He was emotional, a mess of weird feelings and thoughts. Alex wished that Diego was with him, that things would go back to how they used to be.

Alex missed Diego so much, and he was terrified over the fact that he was slowly forgetting what Diego looked like. He didn't have any photos of Diego, didn't have anything physical that let him know that Diego had been real, or that he would find his way back to him.

He leaned back against the wall, heaving a sigh. His mouth tasted godawful, and his body was warmer than usual for him.

Isaias hadn't mentioned anything to him about that night. Which was for the best. Alex felt like he'd betrayed Diego, and he knew he had. But he also had conflicting thoughts - would they ever meet again? He knew that Klaus had managed to come through, but no-one else had yet, none that he knew of. How long would it take for them to get through to that alley - if they were going to turn up in that alley? It could be years before the others came through.

If it was Diego, would he still be waiting like he was? Would he have made the same mistakes that Alex had?

God, that night was one of the biggest regrets Alex had.

He could feel his body heat rising, and he let it go to boiling temperatures. His body could manage being burned, he could handle a lot. This felt almost like he was cleansing his body, ridding it of any proof he'd done what he had. He knew that if he ever saw Diego, he'd tell him of what he'd done, and hope to tell he'd at least look at him again, never mind think of forgiving him.

He kept thinking about it, thinking about the technicalities because he hated himself like that. It was cheating, but at the same time, was it? He felt like he'd been left on his own to try and fend for himself and to grow old with his new friends. Part of him thought that maybe he was starting to move on from Diego - a terrifying thought in itself - and another part of him didn't want him to move on.

Shit was so complicated. At least he had a few days to get his head around it and try and move on from it.

Alex got up from the bathroom floor, flushed the toilet and brushed his teeth. He went and ate some food, despite how his stomach was twisting and turning. He still had to go to work, with Jack who was nice, and Simon who was an idiot. Then he'd have to face Mila and Roberto, who he'd been dodging. He'd been dodging everyone else too, saying he'd caught a cold. Isaias had tried to talk to him, but he'd shut it down.

"¿Pasa algo? You want me," Isaias said, which was the biggest asshole move he'd ever done.

"No, I don't," Alex told him firmly. "What I want is my Diego right with me, and there's nothing I can do to find him. You can't take that from me, Isaias."

He'd looked sullen and defeated, but had left Alex alone at his flat. Just what he wanted. He felt like curling up into a ball and dying - again. Sometimes he thought about how he'd brought himself back to life. That maybe if he'd held off on it, he wouldn't have found himself in this mess and would've been able to manifest beside Klaus or Diego. Now he couldn't do something as simple as that.

He never thought he'd miss being dead. What a new low.

It was Mila and Maya that got Alex out of his shitty little flat. Maya was upset she hadn't seen her tío Alex in a few days. Mila had given him a very pointed look before she and her daughter were dragging him out of the flat.