love me harder $ calum

IV.

„Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?“

If someone would ask me why I'm here I would tell them that my stupid best friend Luke got me drunk cause he knew I wouldn't say yes in a sober state.

So here I was at this dumb college party looking around like a lost puppy. I didn't realise how tensed it made me being all alone in a room full of strangers until I saw someone familiar and my whole body relaxed. About to walk over to that familiar face which belongs to Michael, I stopped so suddenly it felt like I was paralized.

There she was. Alice. For the past months nothing I did seemed to make me forget her cause no matter what there was always something that reminded me of her. But seeing her in person made me realise I didn't need to forget her cause I will always miss her. No matter what I did.

Once I was over the shock and I could walk again I continued bumping into sweaty strangers in a dark place that reeked of alcohol only to get to my beloved friend Michael. I don't think he noticed that I now stood in front of him or that I now sit next to him. But that's okay, I wasn't really in the mood for his annoying comments anyway.

Michael always had something to say about how pathetic I'm acting about this whole situation and that I should go find a new girl to fuck. What he doesn't seem to get is that I didn't date her to fuck. I loved her and sometimes it scares me cause everyone was right we really were young but I can't describe it other than saying that she is/was my soul mate.

I looked over to were Alice was sitting, red cup in her hand and her hair all frizzy from the sticky air in here. It really didn't matter though, she was still the most beautiful girl in the room.

That's when I noticed that there was an arm around her shoulder and she was leaning on someone. It was a dude, probably her boyfriend cause right now they're kissing and I don't know why but I can't stop looking.

Michael kicked me, probably to make me look away. “Stop being a creep and go talk to her.” He laughed. The girl that was all over him five minutes ago is gone that's why he noticed me in the first place. He grabbed a cup from the little table in front of us and took a big sip and leaned back on the couch. “You need to get over the creep phase and start with the friend phase, dude.”

“She ditched me without a reason, the friend phase isn't gonna work out.” Getting annoyed with Michael already I let my body fall back into the couch. Does he really think he knows everything about relationships? The friends phase may work for him but only because he fucks them occasionally and he was the one who dumped them.

“Whatever. Go talk to her.” He nudged me with his elbow.

I looked at him, then looked over to Alice. Maybe I should talk to her, it's not like I stopped caring about her and I really wanna know how she's been. I can't be the only one here who's been miserable.

I got up once I noticed that her boyfriend wasn't there anymore and made my way over to her as fast as I could, seeing as I was in a room full of drunk people who don't seem to get that they need to get out of my way.

Once I was about 2 feet away from where Alice was she looked up and saw me. She didn't seem surprised or shocked, there was literally nothing.

“Hey.” I tried to sound as confident as possible, hoping she won't notice how uncomfortable this whole situation is for me.

She didn't say anything in response, the only thing she did was give me a quick smile before returning to drink more of her drink.

“I know this may be awkward but Michael told me to go talk to you and I probably shouldn't listen to him but fuck, I miss you. And you don't seem too happy with your new guy there and I still care about you, It's not like I can just turn that off.” Nervous laughter escaped my lips, when she turned to face me. She looked bored as if nothing fazed her anymore. “Fuck. Alice, I don't know what I did but I'm so sor-”

“Shut up, Calum. Just once.” Her voice was calm. She drank more of her drink and continued staring at me. This was the worst moment of my life. I don't understand this, she was one of the people I was most comfortable with, what the hell happened to that.

I was too confused to keep my mouth shut. I had to get everything out before I exploded.

“No, Alice seriously. I mean I saw that dude. And I know that he was right beside you, but it still seemed like you felt lonely. Is this what you call happy? You were fucking happy with me, why throw it all away when in return you get something like this?!”

I felt as if a stone fell of my chest. I could finally breathe properly, no words stopping me from taking another breath. But once I looked her in the eyes it was back. Her eyes were different. They weren't really green anymore, they seemed grey and empty, as if her eyes didn't really have a colour anymore.

She tucked a lose strand of hair behind her ear and giggled. “Bye Calum.”

And with that she got up. Her dress perfectly flowing from her shoulders to her knees. She put her red cup that was full of lip stick stains on one of the many tables and made her way to the door.

I was ready to scream. Hell, I was ready to beat someone up, once I noticed that she wasn't walking to the door. She was walking towards her boyfriend, just so he could take her hand and lead her fragile body up the stairs.

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since i havent updated for ages i thought id give you guys another chapter so here it is