Snow fell at my feet as I stared blankly at the tree that sat next to my childhood home. I haven't visited this place since I graduated, I told myself as soon as I turned 18 and got that diploma I'm out of that place, and I lived up to it. It's been 3 years since I left and it was surreal to see this shit hole.
The train tracks that were across the street rattled and shook snow off as the train blasted in front of me, tainting the air and filling my lungs. "Tastes like high school" I grumbled to myself as I finally looked away from that damn tree. That damn fucking tree.
I debated having a quick walk around the town for old times sake , but quickly came back to reality and rembermed I would probably see him. You always see people you know in small towns, but not me. Im never gonna be fucking stuck here again.
My legs grew tired and I sat down resting my back on the tree letting myself face the train tracks and the run down shops run by recovering drug addicts. The sky held a grey tint and it gave the same cold feeling it always came. This town was never welcoming.
My thoughts were interrupted as I heard the sound of a lighter light. I didn't even bother to look, it was probably just some local on a smoke break. Who cares.
"Damn webb, not even a glance? I knew you were always stuck up" an all too familiar voice says.
"Fuck you matthew, at least my last names not gubler"
He mockingly laughed and slid down and sat next to me by the tree. "Cmon your name is webb, we both know they both snuck"
I could hear the smile in his voice and I would fucking kill to look at that smile again, but I couldnt. Then it would be real. I stayed silent, not knowing what to say and even if I did i couldnt form words.
"You want one?" he asked and i could see the cigarette in the corner of my eye
"I dont smoke anymore," I said coldly, trying not to continue this conversation.
He scoffed and gave a slight chuckle as he slipped the cigarette back in the case. "You know, its people like you that I fucking hate" He stated as if its some obvious thing, he knew what i was thinking "people like me?" so he continued " You get out of here, you stop drinking, smoking, whatever you did, and suddenly you're better than everyone"
"Was it so wrong of me Matthew to leave this hell hole?" I finally turned to him and made eye contact, my voice filled with annoyance but I tried my best to keep my cool because I knew what he was doing. " Huh matthew huh? You're gonna die in a shitty 9-5 job with lung disease and I'll be happy and out of here so who's the real winner?"
We were looking directly at each other at this point, our bodies turned and our shoulders rested on the tree. He smiled, that damn smile, then took a big puff, He blew the smoke in my face. "You know it's hot when you're angry"
"You're disgusting," I said, turning away and staring at the train tracks again. Trying to focus on the snow flakes or dead leaves on the benches, just anything other than him.
He moved his body to face the train tracks as well and scooted the slightest bit closer. He let his head rest on the tree and I felt his gaze burning in my head. He wore a brown coat and his curls laid messily on top of his head. His eye bags have gotten worse over the years and his face has sunken in more.
"You know this is where we first kissed" he reminded me casually as if that's what I was thinking about this whole hour I was staring at the tree.
"No shit" I rolled my eyes, hoping that would hurt his ego but of course it didn't.
He took one of his hands and grabbed my face, forcing me to look at him, it was harsh but he was gentle with it in an odd way. Matthew had a way of doing that. His hands were warm and warmed my face that was numb at this point due to the snow.
"Look at me when I talk to you" he whispered. His tone wasnt angry, or harsh in the slightest.It had a tint of hurt and guilt. His breath was visible and the scent of his cheap cologne and cigarettes lingered in my nose.
I wasn't refraining, I let him just stare at me. His eyes had a different feeling in it from the last time I saw them. They were so youthful and full of hope back then.
"We were supposed to leave this shitty town together matthew"
I know it wasn't the right thing to say, but it was the only thing that came to mind when i saw the hurt in his eyes.
He crashed his lips into mine, it was a rough sloppy kiss. I didn't pull back. The kiss tasted like cigarettes and cherry chapstick. He bit my bottom lip and still held my face in his hand, keeping me in place which i was fine with.Then he pulled back and it was over as soon as it started.
He let go off my face and he stood up brushing the snow off of his pants. He didn't look at me, not even a glance. " See you around webb, or actually I wont i guess"
"Matthew," I said, hurt for some reason. I have no idea why, but it hurt. I stared at his back praying he would look back.
"Have fun in the city" and with that he was gone,
He left me in shock, just like he always did.
Fuck this town
