tension//JJ Outerbanks

chapter eight

jj's perspective

i woke up like any normal day to beer cans scattered across the floor. i walked into the kitchen but all we had was a partial gallon of milk. i checked them date and turned it up to chug what was left. then something smacked across my face.

"what are you doin boy? drinking our last good milk? now i have to go buy more!" my dad yelled while throwing books at me.

"i'm -ow- sorry dad -ow-" i said trying to cover my face.

"oh i'll give you something to be sorry about," he said as he pulled out his belt.

"no dad i'm sorry, i'm buy more, i'll pay for it!" i said starting to run away.

"now what kinda of father would i be if i had my son pay for our food? what would the folks around here say? now get your ass over here!"

-many belt whoopins and shattered glasses later-

i tried to open my eyes but my left was half shut. i pulled myself up and limped to the bathroom mirror. my face was already starting to bruise and my lips were swollen. blood was rubbing from my nose and lips. i splashed water on my face and gently rubbed as much blood off as i could. i went back to my room with a couple ice packs and laid them on my face. i looked over and i was already 20 minutes late. i shimmied my clothes on all i could, but my rib cage was sore.

i walked to john bs house and as i turned the corner i saw y/n. i was hoping she wouldn't come. or that she would come late. i hate her seeing me like this. i feel weak. i feel like i can't protect her. how can she trust me to keep her safe when i can't stand up to me own dad? she always takes care of me and i appreciate it, but the look in her eyes always kills me.

everyone turned around excited but quickly had no facial expression. i looked down embarrassed. john b got us to all load the van to head to the dock. the ride seemed to take forever, and everyone stayed silent.

when we got there everyone gathered their things and started to head to the boat.

"hey guys go on, me and jj are gonna get some things, we will catch up," y/n said. my heart sank. i know what she wanted to talk about. she looked at me and i quickly turned my head.

"jj i know you probably don't want to talk about it, but if you do just kno-" i didn't even let her finish. i couldn't control myself. i threw my arms around her and my head on her shoulder. i cried. i cried like a baby. she comforted me like she always does. she rubbed my back and ran her fingers through my hair. she told me how i can stay with her and lily but i could never. i know they don't have much but lily works so hard.

i leaned up and looked at her, "i'm sorry you have to see me like this,"

"jj don't ever say that. it's okay i want to be here for you"

"i don't mean to scare you"

she looked confused, "what do you mean? it doesn't bother-"

i jumped in before she could finish that bullshit answer, "y/n don't say that! i know it bothers you. i saw how you looked at me when i founded the corner. i see how you look at me anytime he hits me. it's like you saw a ghost! you look sick right now!"
i could tell she was holding back tears, i couldn't believe i almost made her cry. she told me she wasn't scared, that she just didn't want anyone to hurt me. but i could tell i was hurting her. i couldn't handle it.
"maybe you shouldn't look at me. maybe you shouldn't be around me.." i told her

"w-what?" she stuttered.
"maybe i shouldn't be around you! drag you into this. maybe we shouldn't.. hangout as much" it hurt me to say that.

"jj what are you saying"

"i'm saying we shouldn't hangout this much! we shouldn't have talks like this. i'll start giving you some space" i swallowed them lump in my throat. she didn't say anything, but what would she say? i didn't expect her to beg me to stay. even if she did would i stay? hell i wanted to, but i know this is better for her. i walked back to the boat and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"where's y/n at?" ki asked.

"she's coming," i replied.

"uh dude, where is she?" pope asked looking behind me.

i turned around looking for her, but didn't see her. i look at the road and saw her running away. no. she couldn't be. did she really hate seeing me hurt that much?