Countless Stars

Chapter 4

When I reached the apartment I was soaking wet. Kung anong nangyari ay hindi ko na alam. When Kiefer left, I just stood there and when I felt my knees tremble, nagpasya akong umupo na lang sa sahig at sumandal sa pader. I don't know how many hours I stayed in that spot until Manong told me na he needs to close the shop.

Nanginginig pa rin ang kalamnan ko sa nangyari. I dreaded that James would come to the spot where I'm seated as I watched them chat. But, more importantly someone occupied a huge space in my mind. Habang tinitignan ko sila James ay nandoon siya, his mocking voice and his cold look lingered in my mind.

Hindi ko na lang pinansin at pilit kong isiniksik sa kadulu-duluhan ng isip ko. Naiinis ako dahil hindi naman importante kung anong isipin ni Kiefer. Ang mahalaga hindi ako nakita ni James. Saka isa pa, I didn't say anything harsh sakanya.

'Oo, pero tumayo ka lang and stared at him so furiously. He might have thought that you'd kill him' sagot ng maldita kong utak.

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako at niyakap ang unan sa tabi ko. Minsan talaga ang taklesa ng bunganga ko kapag galit na ako. Pero ano nga bang pakialam ko? Eh hindi naman kami friends, ni hindi ko nga siya kilala. Saka, he did hug me without my consent.

' It was for you, you big dummy ' the voice in my head shouted

"Ahccckkkk!" Napasabunot na lang ako sa buhok ko. Why am I even thinking about this? Okay Yana hindi ka nice sakanya and I should say sorry pero baka mamaya he'd take it as something na hindi ko gusto. Baka mamaya isipin niya I care for his feelings.

' Hindi nga ba? ' asked by the mocking voice in my head.

"Ahhhckk!" Biglang kong naibato ang unan na yakap ko. Lord bakit ba pilit nagsusumiksiksik ang Kiefer na yon sa utak ko? Oo nakokonsensya ako sa ginawa ko pero ano bang dapat kong gawin?

Back in highschool pag may kasalanan ako kay Mimay binibilhan ko na lang siya ng donuts or something sweet to call it even. It might not work on Kiefer.

' It's worth the try ' sagot ng boses sa isip ko

Okay, fine! Kapag nakita ko siya ulit mag-sosorry ako. I tried to console the voice in my head but it pestered me relentlessly.

I decided to wait for Mimay in the living room. It's better to busy myself with things that actually matters than try to think about reasons why I should follow my guilt. I grabbed my book and plopped myself down on the sofa. I started reading but all I could see is dancing letters and that cigarette smell.

" Okay STOP! " binaba ko ang libro sa center table at tumayo, " Fine I'll go to him and apologize " defeated, I let myself succumb to my guilt.

' Do you even know where he is? ' malditang sagot ng isip ko

I immediately grabbed my phone and bomber jacket with my car keys. I don't use my car that much since Mimay always picks me up for school. Pero sometimes she can't like tonight dahil minsan pumaparty or nasa study group niya siya. I took a glance at the wall clock and it's already 8 o'clock. Pretty late for me and still early for party animals like them.

I went out of the apartment and went inside the elevator, pressing the button for basement where my car is parked. I texted Mimay where she is, subtly asking if kasama ba niya sila Kiefer and she sent me the location of the bar they were in. Hindi na niya tinanong kung bakit dahil dati pa naman pag nagbabar hopping sila lagi akong nagtetext sakanya dahil alam kong pag pumaparty siya she's a lousy drinker. I just copy pasted her message in the GPS app.

I just realized that I was just wearing my satin sleepwear when I already exited the basement area. Damn it, minamalas talaga ako ngayong araw I'm just thankful na may jacket akong suot kundi lalamigin talaga ako sa nipis ng suot ko. I stopped by at the bakeshop I passed by to buy a small cake for my peace offering.