The Day...

Chapter 5: Breakdown, Part 1

I explained to her the situation. Leia pretty much just said what I already was thinking, which was others got others blah blah blah. Hearing it from another person tho, kind of set something of inside me. Everytime I kept looking at them, the more I got mad, the more I started breathing irrationally, the more I went unstable. Jimmy, who was behind us, saw what was happening and immediately asked Leia what was happening. As she explained the situation, I got a notification from Lillian, "No shit Sherlock XDDD", which actually made me laugh a bit. I use it a bunch when the opportunity arrives that's why I laughed. I still didn't calm down tho, I punched the bleachers, as a way to shift emotional pain to physical. I tried calling her a bunch of times, but she was too occupied. (Call in real life not by Messenger.) At that point, I was pretty much starting to hyperventilate, I lost any rational way of thinking, and just started overthinking profusely. I didn't care anymore what anyone that I didn't know around me thought about me while it was happening.  All my thinking went towards hurting myself both physically and emotionally. I started to spiral down, saying shit like how she doesn't care anymore, how I never really mattered to her, while saying "Look at her, she doesn't even care anymore." Jimmy went to Lillian to tell her that she's the only person that could calm me down. I was crying a lot, head down, sometimes punching the bleachers, so I never saw her initial reaction, but I did see a little glimpse of her looking, but I'm not sure since it was all cloudy to me. My friends eventually came, asking what the hell happened to me. One of them told the one who asked na don't mind it since it could be extremely personal. I told them it was fine and made Jimmy explain it to them. I punched the bleachers 10 times in a row in rapid succession. Instead of the impact going to my knuckles, it went to the , so it was tough moving my fingers. Around 5 minuted passed and she still didn't come, I was getting shortness of breath and was crying so much, nothing was clear when I wasn't looking, so I didn't know if Leia and Jimmy finally was able to make Lillian come, but she did. She went and said, while wrapping her arms around me "Hey, Hey, it's ok na, I'm here. It's okay.". I cried even more than I already did. She kept on saying "it's okay, it's okay", "I'm here na". I couldn't even put to words how I was feeling at that moment. It was a mix of "finally" and "what took you so long". The guys then arrive, I never got why, but probably wanted to play, but I wasn't in the right condition to and I didn't know if it was that. Jimmy then told tham what's happening, and they pretty much understood.

It went on for a couple of minutes, eventually I started to get light headed and couldn't breathe from hyperventilating. My whole body started feeling cold and numb, if I moved I started to get cramps so I had to move back. I had a feeling that I was gonna pass out and not be able to get any explanation as to why the fuck she was like that. Lillian took notice, and told Jimmy to go buy some water quick before I pass out. I then told her to open my bag to get candy so he didn't have to use more of his money. There I sat, on the bleachers, feeling numb, right hand started to finally feel painful, emotionally broken. I just let it all out, all pent-up just released. Jimmy got back with the water, and it was cold has hell. As I was about to take the water bottle, my right leg was starting to cramp up. I couldn't move anywhere without it having some sort of pain. Lillian had to help me eat and drink until I could somewhat move around. I slightly calmed down and got some rationality after drinking a bunch. I was still cold, hurting inside and out, but only slightly started to feel better.